24.

24 and a few days already now.

Today's been a lazy Sunday.  It's amazing how unproductive I become just at the thought of no teaching tomorrow.  All of it is going to take its toll on my Monday that's for sure.

Birthday week's done.

First birthday with the kids.  One out of two that I'm going to be spending with them.  It was a wonderful day.  But by the end of day in class, I was just too tired.  That's been the theme of the week - exhaustion.  Just one more week and then some respite.  Phew.  I honestly can't wait to get a few days of regular sleep.  There's tons of work planned for the holidays as well.  Hopefully, it wouldn't be a scramble to the finish line.

Oh but this one's about my birthday.  Every year, like most of you out there, I remember the last birthday and how different this year has been to the last.

Joy.  That was what was missing last year.  And even though my room's a mess, I haven't spoken to most of my friends in weeks, my parents thing I've completely lost it - I'm happy. 

Exhausted but happy.

Rolling wheels

This my third attempt to write in the last month.

Two titled blogposts later, here I am.

The last post seems a while back.  Much has changed.  I've fallen in love - with all 37 of them.  We laugh more in class than we used to, shout less.

The road ahead is long and winding and currently seems never ending.  But October is already here.  Time really is flying. 

Today was the first day that I didn't feel like being there at all.  I just wanted to go back home.  The exhaustion, endless days and nights and work are all beginning to catch up I guess.

Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.

Just one of those days.

It's 8:30 pm.

Another mentally exhausting day.

I still have to plan for tomorrow.

But I really need to vent and this blog post needs to get from head to the screen in front of me.

Another crazy day.  It's amazing how I classify how my day went, solely by how my last half hour went.  I really tried to control myself today, tried to calm them down to a lower level of noise.  But suddenly nothing was working.

Sigh.

I did my usual round of threatening - no fun, no vidoes, no games period.  And the restlessness increased.  Teaching is the true test and learning ground of patience.  But that's easier to type than experience.

Yet, I can't wait to get back to class.  To maybe try another behaviour strategy - I'm thinking a time wasting tracker.  Or not.

The to-do list increases by the day, just don't feel like I'm not doing enough everyday.  For someone who loves to plan, this is just a WHOLE new level.

Right now I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

Everyday.

Just the fact that I came back home to Mumma, who hugged me and told me she's proud of me, made it better.

Much.

A new world.

My last blog post was July 8, 2012.

Lots has happened since:

1. Federer won Wimbledon.  That screaming crowd at Tagore 4 at Flame is one hell of a memory to keep from Institute

2. I said goodbye to The Incredibles and to Pune.  And even though it has only been three weeks, it does fell like forever ago

3. Got picked up from the railway station by someone other than the parents :P Never felt happier to see a bald, thin man with a wide smile plastered on his face :)

4. Started teaching full time!  First day at school - July 18, 2012.  The Smart Dreamers are all mine now.  All 37 of them :)  Each day is different from the others.  Yes, the sleep deprivation, if not taken care of, will give me dark circles very soon but I wake up everyday with a smile on my face (However cheesy that might sound).  Each little achievement we celebrate - getting the attendance right and finishing our lunch boxes. That's our first photo together!  Here's to the next two years!!

The day I grew up

Another Grandslam Final.

Some more butterflies in the stomach.

I think my most dramatic blogposts come out of Federer matches.

Today has been different.  I still want him to win.  I still screamed along with everyone else at the sad sight it was turning out to be.  But suddenly things were different today.  I guess, I've finally grown up.  It's been one of the more painful matches I've seen in a while.  But I can totally imagine how hyper and super tense a younger me would have been.

I don't know what the outcome of this match is going to be but I know my heart has finally accepted that the Fedex cannot always win.

I can almost hear most of my friends saying "finally" in their heads!

National Public School

The day finally came.  We got our schools in Delhi!  Even though I didn't get the area of my choice, I'm very excited.  Thankfully, Nakul (TFI fellow who's class I'm inheriting) kept a blog too.  So I've been reading about my to-be-kids the last couple of days.  Needless to say, I can't wait to get back home and to National Public School.

Everyone says that I have it easier because it's a second year intervention classroom.  But I feel this huge weight of responsibility on my head now.  To lead those 34 Smart Dreamers to higher heights!

Week 2.

And Week 2 at RN Shah is done too.

Two down. Two to go.

Reading comprehension is up next - Charlie and The Chocolate Factory!

Time is really running.  The three hours at school pass away just like that, the rest flies away in trying to figure out our plans.

Today is the first day I felt really really homesick.  Hearing mumma and papa talk about macaroni at home made me just want to get on a plane and go back. 

Soon I will be home, at a new school, with kids that will be mine for the next two years :)

Week 1

Week one at R.N.Shah is over.

Last Maths class today.  Even though the division problems bombed dramatically, I can't begin to get back to teaching it again!

The week has been eventful to say the least.  My very own classroom - The Incredibles and my very own twenty four children.  The first class I guess is meant to be special and it sure is.

As we make our way through the gullies of budhwar peth everyday, I'm somehow am not overwhelmed by the area, the circumstances or even the stories I hear.  I guess TFI drills the achievement gap so into your head that when you actually see it, it doesn't stun you.  I've been waiting all week for it to hit me.  I don't know if it was the excitement of teaching maths or the sleep deprived days but I'm still waiting...

I don't know whether it's a good thing or not.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not emotionally connecting, that I'm still in some way, detached from it all.

I remember going to this orphanage in Noida, years ago.  I came back home and cried for hours grappling with what fate/ destiny really meant.

Maybe I've just grown up.

60-56=16

Second maths class today.

Long division.

Sigh.

The half an hour just flew by.  But not without me realizing that my children can't subtract!  11-12 years old, sitting smartly in class, all ears for whatever I'm saying were sudden'ly struggling with subtraction!

Sure, I've been told that they're years behind  but today was just a reality check.  More than that I guess.

I can't wait to get back to class.

Lots and lots of "Division=Equal Sharing" ahead.

Fifty Four

The number of hours with my children in VI B.

All seventeen of them.

All the assessments and stuff over, so let the real teaching begin!

Division of two/ three digit numbers today!

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Day 10.

Had my first Maths content class today.  Haven't had this much fun in a while!

We saw a movie called "Stand Up & Deliver" earlier this week and it truly summarized what I felt about Maths all my life -

"Maths is the Greatest Equaliser"

True That.

But grading the beginning of Summer School papers made me realize how tough it's going to be to teach basic maths...have to make lesson plan by tomorrow!!!

You may criticize it, but you cannot desert it.  

It belongs to you now.

- Anu Aga, on TFI

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Day 5.

The one thing I was looking forward to at Institute was teaching maths.  It's a subject I gradually fell in love with in school and miss terribly.

Today revolved around planning a lesson to teach grade three children addition of three digit numbers.  And honestly, it really wasn't the easiest thing to do.  Just defining addition without using the word "add" became such a task for everyone.

Lots and lots and lots of planning is in store before class begins on Monday!!!

On excellence. Day 4.

The promises

I am sure we're going to make a lot of promises in the next two years.  But I just want to take the time out and record the ones that we made today.

1.  Things I don't want to do in my class:

a. Be bored with the content
b. Shout
c. Pick on any particular student
d. Compare
e. Not accept my mistake

2. For summer school,:

a. To be fully aware of how engaged or not the children are
b. Try to pursue constant innovation and never settling into my comfort zone
c. To plan every single second
d. Learning from my mistakes

Teaching as Leadership

I just wanted to put down some of the words we heard today that I thought were special.

The problem is huge, someone has to do something - why not me.

Transformational Teaching

Day 4

After the first few initial days, we got to discuss teaching today.  Transformational teaching.

But what was most striking about that session was the video of Ms Johnson's pre kindergarten class.  She was teaching her children bar graphs! 

I had taught pictographs as my sample teaching for the TFI interview and really pondered over how to break it down to explain to children in class IV.  And here was somebody who was able to demonstrate the concept to a bunch of three year olds.

Just made me realize, albeit again, that nothing is impossible.

Life Maps

Day 3.

The last two days, though surreal, have been super fabulous.  Today's second session was one that I am struggling with.

To share in a circle of trust events/ people/ places that shaped you as a person.  To hear the stories and feel the emotions.  Every story is special and so is every struggle and challenge.

As the activity progressed, there were so many things that started coming to my mind.  I guess when you view your life in such a way, you suddenly see all the lessons learnt and the challenges faced all together.  The whole exercise I think overwehmed me a little bit, maybe because emotions were running high and we were all talking of things close to our hearts and sharing out there without any inhibitions.  It made a little too emotional even though I'd promised myself to avoid doing that.

But I guess that's what the last few days have taught me.  It's ok to be down and out sometimes.  Just need to know that there is no need to wallow in self pity.

I will pick myself up tomorrow and stay positive.

Because tomorrow really is a brand new day.

Little People

Day 3 - TFI Core Values

Little People
 
They laugh at me, these fellas,
Just because I am small
They laugh at me because I'm not hundred feet tall!
I tell 'em there's a lot to learn down here on the ground
The world is big, but little people turn it around!

A worm can roll a stone
A bee can sting a bear
A fly can fly around Versailles
'Cos flies don't care!
A sparrow in a hut
Can make a happy home
A flea can bite the bottom
Of the Pope in Rome!

Gaoliath was a buiser who was tall as the sky.
But David threw a right and gave him one in the eye.
I never read the Bible but I know that it's true
It only goes to show what little people can do!

- Les Miserables

The Vision And The Power of Possibility

Day 2.

The day's almost over but I'm willing myself to write down this post because I know it will disappear from my head tomorrow.

Today started with knowing more about TFI and Shaheen.  In very simple words it was all very inspiring and made me wonder if I'd ever have the courage to have done what she has done and what everyone at Akanksha did when they started out.

Watching her share her stories made me feel privileged to be where I was and even to some extent surreal.

Watching all the children from the Akanksha centres was even more special. The level of maturity with which they spoke about their struggles - domestic violence, financial troubles and even losing a parent, was something I probably can't even do myself.  They were just such a joy to watch and they did bring this cheer in the room.

We discussed each one's vision for our classroom.  I think mine is that I want to pass on to my students the ability to dream.  I know it's really at an abstract level right now and needs to be broken down into goals and objectives for the classroom but I think it's a start.  I do believe in the power of a dream and I hope some day my students realize that.

_____________________________________

Then came the Yellow Hat.

The cap that signified the power of optimism and faith, to always tell yourself that you can.

The task at one hand - Feeding people in the community without any money

The players - 10 people - 2 blindfolded, 2 couldn't use their hands, two couldn't use one foot and the rest couldn't speak. 

I chose to be the one of the two hoping around on one foot.  It was exhausting physically.  So mentally I just took the easy way out.  I went back to my comfort zone and didn't really push myself.  I made peace with my physical achievements in the task.  It's afterwards when we reflected that we had ourselves modified the task into some sort of competition.  We just had to feed people.  But as Sakina said, it wasn't really feeding.  We just somehow got food from people for free and then distributed it to anyone who'd eat it.  Forgetting the very fact that no one had said the goal of the task was to feed maximum people.

What it did teach me was that this task involved the quintessential question - quality vs quantity.



I've learnt so much today, but what I want to remember today is a line with which the last session ended:

"You've chosen not to be a bystander but always remember it's not ok to just show up"

Amen.

The TFI Way...

It's just been two days.  Just forty eight hours.  But it already feels like a lifetime of learning.

I can't believe I got to Pune just yesterday!

My first day as a TFI fellow.

I've planned to put as much down on this blog, about this experience, as possible.  I don't want to eventually forget stuff.

Today entailed a visit to a small community in Pune and connecting with a child.  I've always felt that I get along well with kids, but the hour or so I spent with Shifa made me rethink that notion.  It also taught me, more importantly, the importance of high expectations.  I'd set a goal of talking to her.  And that's what I decided was going to happen.

I've felt the importance of expectations before but never really in such a manner.  Maybe never even felt so good when I did achieve my goal.  When she held my hand as we fielded together during cricket or when she giggled on the thought of Bodyguard, my heart really did soar.

Such happy feelings.

The second part of the day was the opening ceremony.  I found it weird that everybody keeps talking of and using the word "magical".  But honestly, it really was.  Meeting alumni, current fellows and the little students being taught by TFI fellows was just incredible!

It was an awesome day.

Looking forward to an even better tomorrow :)

Not So Much The End Of An Era

This one, like all my other blog posts, has been due for a while.

Due since May 15, 2012.

That was my last day at work.  One year and two months to be exact.  The feeling was surreal, sometimes still is.  There's no doubt that I learnt a lot, met some wonderful people, made a great group of friends and have tons of memories that I really really cherish.

I've always been one to play safe.  Always.  

For the first time in my life I feel like I've taken a risk, a huge one at that.  But the feeling is unbelievable!! Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself.  This is really happening to me!!

It has been a tough couple of months.  But I've got through it. I leave for Pune tomorrow, for what a lot of people tell me, is going to be the best five weeks of my life.

As the excitement takes over, I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I can't wait to come back and officially declare that I Teach For India :)

Us And The City

 It's been more than a year since I moved to this City.  Like it or not, it's been home for some time now.  And there's one person I have to thank for making this city bearable, even enjoyable :)

I'm not one for room mates.  A single child who's never lived in a hostel.  I was scared we'd eventually ruin the friendship, that it would result in an ugly fight, some day.  But I'm pleased to report that our love has only grown.  

I'm writing this to the sounds of her guitar, the singing sessions I'm definitely going to miss too!

We've discovered Guragon together.  The shared monday morning blues, fish fingers, board games, planning the pictograph lesson, our common love for cheese, RD at the Epicentre, Route 69 and some momos! Memories that will stay with us forever :)

Notwithstanding how hard and excessively emotional the year has been, having her around has preserved some amount of sanity in me.

So here's to you Ankita Satija and to our friendship.  Eleven years and going strong!

  

Remember when

They say people always remember exactly where they were when something significant/ life changing happened.  The exact place and time, what they were wearing, what day it was, the weather and what not.

Watching Federer play Nadal in the semi finals today, I realized that I seemed to remember almost every thursday of the third week of January for the last six years.  That's almost every Australian Open semi final Federer has played.  I remember the dejection and the jubilation.  That heart breaking semi final against Safin or the white wash of Roddick a couple of years ago.  I remember each such afternoon.  It's like we've shared this day, every year for so many years.

I've loved and followed Federer through each of those, with tears and shrieks of joy of course.  He may have lost today but I know there's at least one more grand slam out there to win! 

Here's to you Roger for being an inspiration and a true hero. 

See you at the French!

What a life - Part II

Forty odd years they were married.  And just like that, he's gone, leaving her behind.  The sadness doesn't leave her eyes.  It's like she's in a different world, unaware of conversation around her.  The house feels empty without him, like he's just around the corner, tinkering away in the store or fixing a light in the bathroom and that a moment later he's going to walk in the room.

But he's gone. 

I can't imagine what she feels.  The empty bed.  The empty house.  The empty chair at the dining table.  The empty whiskey glass.

It was a painful two years.  Looking at old photos suddenly reminds me of how weak he'd become.  It was freedom from the pain, it was what everyone was praying for.  Yet I can't come to terms with it.  Tears still fill my eyes when I see his photo in their room.  A man loved and respected by all. 

Here's to you Air Commodore OP Sharma, a true Air Warrior.  

I know you're out there watching over me. 

I miss you.

True That

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

- William Ernest Henley 

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

Like my standard new year’s resolution of writing more.

I know I haven’t written in a while but it sort of took me by surprise to see August 15, 2011 on top of that last post. Where the hell have I been! Hopefully, this year will see more writing!

Coming back to the title of the post, it came to me while walking towards college on Saturday. I haven’t been back in almost two years and at the cost of sounding clichéd, it felt like I hadn’t ever left. I almost felt like I’d run into a van/ class member around the corner. Things have changed. But the smell of the trees near the basement, the canteen food and the musty commerce corridor took me back instantly. A million memories came flooding back. Really should go back once with the gang. Another new year resolution then?