What Ifs...

I hate to think of what could have been...

Yet, every time I make a mistake I will replay the moment over and over again in my mind, trying to think of better ways of handling the situation.

In school I used to think of answers for interjections till weeks after the debate. After exams I think of better answers or even answers to questions that weren't even asked.

It's almost like I'm consoling myself. Maybe if I had acted in a different way things would have fallen into place, decisions would be made in my favour or I'd get everything I ever wanted.

I think the whole exercise is pointless yet it takes a lot of willpower to not indulge in it anymore. The futility only dawns upon me when Mumma talks the same way. What if she had had let me do law, what if I had changed school, what if I was in a different college..

I think these questions are better left unanswered. In fact there isn't actually any way of finding out and I am happy not knowing