Two months and beyond

The craziness of Grad School is all around. As I sit in Cabot staring at that System Dynamics assignment, I can't believe how far away from home I am and yet in some ways this is already home too.

Life has fallen into that routine that I crave. Yet every week is a different crazy. Each week seems like an insurmountable mountain. I know for sure that the assignments will get done, angst and despair will return at the thought of the next one, weekend plans will be made, weather shall be cursed, free food shall be found and life will go back to normal again. Though no part of this life seems normal to me.

I am beginning to realise this is turning into quite the rant. Must go back to that chapter on delays.

Happy Halloween! 

Pretty much what I am surviving on

“Would you care for a cup of tea?” I said.

“Tea?”

She spoke as if she had never heard of the stuff.

“Nothing like a cup after a journey,” I said.  “Buck you up.  Put a bit of zip into you.  What I mean is, restores you, and so on, don’t you know”.

—Bertie Wooster in The Aunt and the Sluggard, by P. G. Wodehouse

Boston calling.

Every time I tell myself that I'll write regularly. Every time I look back at the last post and curse myself.

This one was supposed to be written on August 18, just before I left for videsh.

But now I am here, on my first rainy evening, in a nice cosy room, with an Ikea bed waiting to be assembled and I've finally pushed myself to type.

One week away from home has been a strange to say the least, mornings the most difficult. Little things bring back memories, the smell of zeera in the kitchen or a piece of colourful woollen textile in my museum class. Strange doesn't even begin to describe it but I am thankful for many things.

A beautiful city. Some very friendly people. A pretty room. A stuffed fridge. The anticipation of many museums. The colour of the leaves changing right outside my window. Being this close to a swimming pool after years. Cooking on my own and not killing Suvidhi with my culinary skills. Being by myself and learning to enjoy it :)

The year ahead I've been told will be crazy. I am just preparing for the ride!

First Time. Whole Class Miss.

I want to see them. All of them. Go back in time. The winter sun. Chai on the table and bright shiny faces around.

The world seemed so much simpler with them. Happy and content.

If only. 

Ab Hum Chale, Yahan Se Nikle.

I've been mulling over this post for a while.

"Ek post toh banta hai", Siddharth said.

Watching Hawa Hawai made me think of my little ones. The crazy days, the nerve wrecking days, the I-can't-believe-I-am-doing-this days, the hot days, the extremely hot days, the normal days, no wait, I don't think we had any of those.

I remember thinking I'd love to have a job where I couldn't wait to get out of bed. Almost. Each day had something new to offer, no two days ever the same, even if it was just a new irritating beat that they had decided to master on the tables of class.

I wanted this to be a What-I've-Learnt-in-the-2-years post. Maybe I'll save that for a later day. Maybe not.

I am thinking of Jo the mouse except I am storing my memories not dreams in little balls and storing them somewhere in my head. Storing them for days that I will not be around to see them hit teenage or when they do reach their dreams.

The world is a strange place but the little ones kept me sane through it all. I hope someday they realise that.

Being Religious. Part 2

M: Went to the Mandir today?

P: Umm.

M: Tikka mat lagwaya karo. It looks funny.

New beginnings.

H: Toh now that you have holidays, what do you do all day?

G: I have lots of work ya.

H: Like what?

G: Applications, unit plans and more.

H: Hmm. So where all are you applying? MBA?

G: No. It's called International Education Policy.

H: Hmm. So what are your plans? Are you coming back to India?

G: I don't know ya. Haven't decided.

H: No like what are your ten year plans?

G: No clue.

And there goes another one.

I am taking a break from all this conversation reporting to end the year on this blog. It's been one hell of a year with SO much happening. A year that's already had a half year review in June :)

I am lucky enough to be making my second trip to the mountains in three months. Can't wait to breathe in that air and soak in the sun (hopefully there will be some sun at least).

I'll always remember you 2013.  For all that you put me through. 

The laughter. The rain. The kids. Thandi. Old Monk. Coke. 4S. Tears. Screaming. Goa. Apps. Emails. Museum. Rushdie. Haroun. Fogg and Aouda. Love. Warmth. Emptiness. Salzburg. Budapest. Andretta. The driving. The back aches. The naps. Sleepless nights. doodle. Decimals. Fractions. Writing. Hemant Da. Rafi. Kishore. Faiz. Books. Some more. The sun.

To all this and more.

Happy New Year!

Let's see what you have to offer 2014.
 

Akeli Ladki

N: Hum Shama ko nahi bhej sakte. 

G: Kyu?

N: Akele kaise bheje?

G:  Par main saath jaungi.

N: Par woh ladki  hai

_____________________________________________________________________________

X: Heena ko nahi bhej sakte.

T: Kyu?

X: Akele ladki hai woh

_____________________________________________________________________________

R: Jab tak iss ka pati zinda tha hum iss ko poochte bhi nahi they.  Khush ho ya dukhi.  Par ab woh
nahi hai toh hume hi sochna padta hai.

_____________________________________________________________________________

V: Utho jao ab.  Darwaza band karwaiye.  Kitni baari bola hai school ke baad jaldi nikla karo.  Bas aap logo ka hi kaam nahi khatam hota.  Subah aa kar kiya karo kaam.

_____________________________________________________________________________

V: Madam aap toh jante ho.  Aise school mein.  Akele.  Safe nahi hai.  Kyu nahi samajhte hai.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Being religious?

G: That diya looks nice.

M: We could light it everyday.

G: Sure, it looks pretty only.

______________________________________________________________

M: Everyday you must pray in front of it in the morning.  Fold your hands and say a silent prayer.

G: Huh?  No. You know I can't do such things.

M: We have done none of this.  But it has all happened.  We never wanted the diya or the idol but they've both sort of come together.

G: Eh?

M: Fine.  I'll remove it if you don't want to pray.

G: No no.  Fine.  I'll do it.
 

Compartments

M: She looks like a terrorist.

G: Just because she's wearing a head scarf?

M: No.  It's the expression on her face.

___________________________________________________________________________________

G:  Which of the two do you think is the mother of that kid?

M: That one.

G:  How are you so sure?

M: I don't think she's married.  She looks very satisfied with life.

___________________________________________________________________________________

G:  Not once did they say thank you for the shoes. 

T:  These kids. Uff. 

G:  I know.  I would think with their background, the least they can be is thankful.

H: Aapke naam ke baad kya aata hai?

G:  Huh?

H: Jaise mera name Humera hai.  Uss ke baad Syed aata hai.  Humera Syed.

G: Hmm.  Kuch nahi aata.  Bas Ghazal.  Acha hai na?

H:  Haan.

Perspective we say.

V:  Didi, basically Kashmir is confused.

S: Ek vote karane mein kya hi problem ho sakti hai.

Still here.

P: So you are a real CA?

G: Hanji.

P:  I thought you were just a B Com.

G:  No no.  I have a membership number and all.

P: Then why are you doing this?

All In A Day's Work

Part I

A: Yeh Jules Verne toh bahut intelligent nikla.

Part II

G:  Do you know anyone who's like Mr Fogg?

S:  Didi Didi Didi!

G: Yes?

S:  Aap

Gulp.

Part III

Z's mum:  Kab tak Z ki madam iss ki fees degi.  Aap bachcho ki fees maaf kardo.

V:  Nahi.  Ab ghoda hi ghaas se dosti kar lega toh khaega kya?

And then?

X: Teach For India, Huh?

G: Yup

X:  Meri behen bhi padhati hai.

G: Ah.

X:  She's teaching class two these days...

X: ...Aaj kal woh EWS ke bacho ko padha rahi hai.

G: Acha

X: You know, economically weaker section...

X: One of her kids came to school with a 5 rupee packet of fun flips for lunch.

G: Hmm

X: Poor thing, uss ke ghar par 3-4 din se khaane ke liye kuch nahi tha.
 

Soundtrack

It was one of those lazy mornings in the van, what seems like a million years ago now.  The six of us, cozied together, the gossip flowing as always.  Kari, in one of her ingenious outbursts suggested how awesome having background music in our life would be.

While that quote went up somewhere on Facebook that evening, it came back to me today. I have a strange relation with music.  I am not an ardent fan of anything in particular, I forget song titles but I also cannot live without it.  There must be something in the background at all times.  Life feels incomplete without it.

Listening to Dooba Dooba by Silk Route made me realise how strong song associations are in my life.  They open flood gates, of days gone by, moments shared, of laughter and tears, of love and warmth. 

Silk Route will always remind me of Ankita, her guitar and our room.  Of our life in Gurgaon. Of decisions made, drives in the middle of the night and rediscovering old friendship.

Cheezy 90's music brings back 6:00 am classes and messaging those lyrics to Siddharth.  The distraction made life easier when everything around was going crazy and intense.

ET and Chariots of Fire make me think of Papa.  Of shared love for the movie and the music. 

Geeta Dutt and Goa.  One of those strange connections.  Her voice was made for the beach.  The only time I've truly been thankful for a smart phone and Youtube. 

Hemant Kumar and Seelampur.  Who'd have thought.  But I've spent many a rickshaw ride humming the tunes of Pyassa, feeling at peace and content. 

Kishore and RD.  For life's lessons.  For those days when I crave inspiration.  For days I hate the world and want to curl up in my corner.  For those countless days that the duo has saved me.

Sinatra and love. 

Enough said.

 

Half way.

It's June already.  The year's almost half done.  It amazes me.  The places I've been, the people I've met, the experiences and the emotions.  To think that there's still more than half to go.  I am loving how unpredictable life has become.  This time last year - Pune.  This time this year - Goa.  I can't wait for this time, next year. 

All my posts suddenly seem the same.  A screen shot of memories.  But what the hell.  It has been an insane year.  One that does deserves constant documentation. 

So here's to that first holiday with friends.  To Goa.  To that night at Roy's where it all began.  To beautiful beaches.  To Getta Dutt on the beach.  Dekho koi bha rahan hai, kaun bhaye yeh mein kaise jaanu.  To watching the rain.  To feeling the rain.  To feeling the rain some more.  To scooty rides and not the loudest screams.  To swimming again.  To conversations that lasted hours.  To favourite books, movies and an insane number of lists.  To getting no sleep.  To dreaming of the next vacation.  To constant laughter and some tears that didn't ebb for at least an hour.  To eight mile and Eminem at 3 am.  To Paan Singh Tomar and missing most of it.  To blankets and snoring.  Om and Kings.  And some more.  To many first times.  To incredible times.  To singing for two hours straight.  To wishing the clock and its hands would slow down. 

I really need to start saving for the next one.  Mountains.  Soon. 

For those days. Or Today.

30 Life Lessons For 20-Somethings With Too Many Feelings

1. Laugh constantly. Laugh freely. Laugh at every moment in your life. Laugh when it is appropriate. Laugh when it isn’t. Laugh when it fucking hurts like hell. Laugh when the happiness escaping your throat is as smooth as a whiskey seven. If you cannot laugh when you’re beat down. When you are hurt. When you are two seconds away from inhaling a pain that will drown you, you will never survive.

2. Orgasms are by far, hands down, the best thing for your complexion. Don’t waste money on some ridiculously overpriced face wash. Lancome is a lie. So is Cover Girl. Instead, put your fingers to work. Go pay the thirty or fifty bucks for a bunny that’s guaranteed to get you off. Become comfortable enough with an individual to sleep with them on a daily basis. Just cum consistently and your pores will thank you.

3. A cob salad has more calories than a double cheeseburger. Don’t kid yourself.

4. A girl can never own too many stilettos. Yes, they will hurt. Yes, they will cost almost as much as your rent. Yes, while they were once undeniably beautiful you will inevitably wreck them thanks to countless nights plagued with tequila and bad decisions. It doesn’t matter. They will make you feel beautiful when you can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror. They will make your legs appear longer, your form appear slimmer, and your ass appear Brazilian.

5. Argue. Debate. Disagree. That is the only way you will become privy to the beauty that is an organic learning environment. Keep an open mind. Listen. Nod at the appropriate time. Stand up for yourself when necessary and shut the fuck up when you should. A coalition of different viewpoints is essential to true understanding. Be prideful enough to lend verve to your voice and humble enough to know when your voice is cracking.

6. Music will save you. It will also kill you. Certain songs will repair gaping holes in your heart while others will send you back two years ago; when you were in his arms, kissing his lips, and resting your head on his shoulders as he strangled his fingertips with your hair. Regardless, music is a constant reminder that it’s okay to feel. It is okay to remember, to reminisce, and to be sad. It’s okay to cry laugh smile lose control scream dance become far too sentimental forget. To. Just. Be. Hiding behind intoxicating melodies and beautiful breakdowns is the universe’s permission to feel. So close your eyes and turn up the volume.

7. Tequila will do one of two things. A) Make you fall in love with everyone. And I mean everyone. Or B) Make you ridiculously protective to an almost violent degree. You despise the man who gave your best friend a second glance. You automatically distrust the poor sap who offered to buy your roommate a drink. You are ready to throw down for their honor, dignity, and virginity. No, it doesn’t matter that they lost it years ago.

8. Champagne will give you the worst hangover of your life.

9. Wine will make you wish you were Mormon.

10. Jäger will, without a doubt, make you do that one thing you boy-scout-honor-swore you’d never. Ever. Do.

11. Reading is pivotal. Another human being’s syntax is the soul’s water. While walking a mile in another’s shoes is impossible, caressing a stranger’s paperback spine is the closest you will ever get to fully understanding another human. So sink into a chair every once in a while. Sit outside in the sun. Cuddle up next to a lover. A window. A fireplace. Just read.

12. Don’t you dare read on a damn Kindle. Your fingertips need to feel the pages. Your nose needs to smell the pine sacrificed in the name of literature. Visit your library. You will feel intellectual, organic, and sexy.

13. It is okay to be alone. In fact, everyone should be at least once. Surround yourself in the silence that is independence. Stop looking for someone so that you may find yourself.

14. It is essential in one’s life to experience a one night stand. The awkward morning-after will remind you that you aren’t made for consistent promiscuity. The allure of a dirty night with a relative stranger will make you feel like Pamela incarnate.

15. Craigslist is the perfect example of both the rise and fall of society.

16. You are capable of handling situations you couldn’t have possibly imagined. Fathers will disown you. The love of your life will sleep with someone else. The person who made you will hit you. Your best friends will die. A man will ignore your fervent “no” and take what he wants. And still you will find yourself filling your lungs when situations should have left them empty. It is in those moments that you’ll remember there isn’t anything you cannot overcome.

17. There isn’t anything you will be capable of overcoming without your friends.

18. The cure to any discomforting situation or painful realization or heavy moment within one’s life, is driving. Nothing will take away the feelings of failure like a never ending road, a rolled down window, a six speed manual, a music collection of epic and speaker-destroying proportion, and (of course) a pack of cigarettes. Drive until you have left it all behind you. You will eventually have to return to it all, however the miles you’ve put between you and a rude reality will strengthen your resolve.

19. The ones you love the most will hurt you the most. Mothers will be incapable of protecting you when they should. The most important man in your life will hurl hurtful words in your direction. Best friends will write words dipped in resentment. You will reach out to someone in tears, scared and alone, only to have them decide it is too much and disappear. Forgive them instantly. Love them regardless. And know that you, despite your best efforts, have hurt them too.

20. Talk dirty in bed. Get over being uncomfortable and push past the urge to compare yourself to a mediocre porn star. While between the sheets with a fantastic lover, say everything you have ever wanted to say or do or have felt. Those words will assist you both in obtaining levels of pleasure previously believed to be nothing more than a filthy fairytale.

21. Slow dance. Don’t leave your youth in a middle school gym.

22. Whatever you do, do not pass out on the bathroom floor of a gay bar. Enough said.

23. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to swallow your pride, choke down your guilt, chew on your inadequacies, and realize that you cannot do everything by yourself. Everyone needs help at one time or another. Including you.

24. You are not confined to the family god gave you. You have the beautiful ability to hand pick your own. College friends will become your sisters. Ex-boyfriends’ fathers will become your own. Best friends of your brothers will become baby brothers one, two, and three. Cherish them, protect them, and allow them to do the same.

25. Enjoy having too much. Too much Jack Daniels. Too much love. Too much dancing. Too much work. Too much procrastination. Too much time. Too much responsibility. Too much insecurity. Too much coffee. Too much doubt. Too much of not enough. Realize that overindulgence is the key to neutrality. Realize that a painful destruction is essential to the construction of something wonderfully beautiful. So take one shot too many. Stay out until six thirty, when you have to be at work at nine. Tell them that you love them, even when you know it is too much.

26. Girls poop. Yes, it can rival a man’s in both stench and quantity. Get over it.

27. Make fun of yourself. When others do, it will help it hurt less.

28. Remember how blessed you are. You can be covered in bruises and overflowing with emptiness. You can be lost, alone, and fantastically hurt. However, it can always. Always. Be worse. And for countless others, it is. So after you have tended to your bruises and replaced the smallest amount of emptiness with a tangible satisfaction. After you’ve been found and are standing next to another and your hurt has diminished. Be thankful.

29. Whoever said money doesn’t buy happiness, lied. Sometimes, it takes money to find yourself at a concert with friends or three sheets to the wind or atop a needle sharing scenery with those that have never experienced it before. Pay for it anyways. Sign the check that makes your stomach turn. Eventually you will look back on those moments and realize that you would have paid twice that amount.

30. You can plan and scheme and write in a neat little notebook. You can create numerous lists that await the swift line of completion, but it won’t matter. Nothing will end up the way you thought it would. Things will happen that you couldn’t have possibly foreseen. Life doesn’t care about the plan. The scheme. Your neat notebook. Or your fifty lists

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/30-life-lessons-for-20-somethings-with-too-many-feelings/

Aadat.

I am some one who likes routine.  Sometimes I crave it.  Other times I realize my dependence on it.

Breakfast at six thirty.  School at seven thirty.  Lunch at ten thirty.  Maths at eleven.  Movie on Saturday.  PT Period at nine.  Hemant Kumar on the radio.  Seelampur at least once a week.  Saturday Night ISD.  Planning Sundays.  Afternoon naps.  Guddu online in the evenings.  G Talk at 8 30 pm.  Dinner at nine. 

My whole life suddenly feels like a plan.  Complicated at that. 

Onset of summer has completely thrown me off. 

I've been wondering what it is for the last couple of days.  Sometimes I feel the kids too miss the routine.  I do too.  I need the comfort of the known.  I know the obsession isn't healthy.  Also not something I want for myself.

I'd like to be free.  To experiment.  To do random stuff more often that once. 

But here I am.  Hemant Kumar on loop (this just HAS to stop).  A million copies on my bed.  A to - do list that needs to be long but I've been lazy enough for it to stay empty. 

I have ambitious plans for the summer.  Most of which seem doomed at the rate I'm going.  Hopefully things should look up soon.  Two days and then chutti!