That's all?

Saloni had asked me a while back to write a blogpost for her blog.  I'd shortlisted stuff I wanted to write about but never really got around to doing it. 

I'd never thought I'd be writing about Devika. 

She was one of the few that Nakul had told me about.  And she was hard to miss on my first day in class.  Completely dishevelled, wearing a white T shirt instead of the school shirt under her tunic, her hair all over the place.  She was distracted and restless more often than not in class. 

Slowly to my horror I discovered that she was far behind even the average in my class.  Her handwriting was a mess and most of the times she had no clue what I was saying.  Lots of asking around later I found out that there was trouble at home. 

We've worked hard through the year but she just wasn't making the progress I wanted her to make.  Till finally I decided to try something new.  I made a contract of sorts detailing all that I wanted her to study till the summer vacations.  I showed her the list and then told her that if she managed to do all of it, she could get anything that she wanted.  Absolutely anything. 

I gave her some time to think.  I was secretly of course hoping that it wasn't something too expensive.  Maybe she'd want to go to the mall?  a movie?  some time with the laptop?  But what she came back with blew my mind. 

She confidently pointed at the wall next to the White Board.  Map?  No.  "I want those sheets", she told me.  What she was pointing out to was a plain A4 sheet that I'd got laminated.  Bas?  She wanted two laminated white sheets for all that work I'd decided she needed to do get done soon.  I took her home and explained the concept to her mother.  We signed the contract.  All three of us.  When I told her mom to take my number, Devika promptly pointed to the wall where she'd inscribed my number with a pencil. 

It's days like this that I know I've made the right decision.  Forget all that talk about changing India.  Just for the life experience that I've had the last one year have made all of this worth it. 

Devika taught me yet another lesson in perspective and simplicity.  How life really is so simple for children and we over complicate it by thinking for them.  I'm not sure whether  the contract will work, whether she'll fight with her brother or stick to her promise.  But I do know that she's got her heart and values in the right place.  I hope the world stays a happy and simple place for her all her life.

 

Never been busier.

Never been happier.

Here's to the start of the crazy crazy summer ahead!

Food for thought

Rajeev: Didi Jyoti ke papa ke Party ke har jagah posters lage hai..
Vinay: Haan maine bhi dekha tha..
Rajeev: Aam Aadmi Party...Pata nahi kya khulasa karne wale hai.
_________________________________________________________________

Zee: Didi, jab bhi main aapke saath aati hun, sab mujhe aise kyun dekhte hai?
__________________________________________________________________

Vinay: Didi, yeh toh bilkul Delhi nahi lag raha hai!
G: Kya lag raha hai phir?
Vinay: Pakistan
G: Aapne Pakistan dekha hai?
Vinay: Nahi
G: Toh phir?

The End.

Class IV. Smart Dreamers. Lion King. Place Value. Time Wasting. Small Rooms. Big Hearts. Birthdays. Tears. Finishing Lunch. Attendance. Assembly. 7:40. Fun Saturdays. Kho Kho. Green Park. AES. Alice. Cheshire Cat. Dreams. Reality? Fractions. Invisible Ink. National Science Centre. Crazy Mirrors. Gandhiji ke bandar teen. Trackers. Data. Assessments. Holiday Homework. Print outs. Plans. Execution. De briefs. Jams. Rain. Cold. Freezing cold. Christmas. Do Re Mi. Rudolph. Black Beauty. Bearing Rein. Maps. Atlas. Globe. Respect. Independence. Synergies. 70! Why Why Why? Seelampur. Amina. Hamid. Revision Registers. Writing. NSTSE. Extra Class. Results. Komal. Class Party. Unch Neech. Bye Didi.

One hell of a year.

I'll see you soon kiddos.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Ashiya

In June of 2012 I first felt the power of Little People.  I don't remember the first time I saw Ashiya.  I do remember being confused whether she was a girl or a boy (short hair's very misleading).  As the winter set in, suddenly she was hanging out with us in my classroom.

Now of course she greets me with a bug fat hug around my knees and a huge smile plastered on her face.  Any change in her mood changes the mood of my entire class.  We've all fallen flat for her. 

Saturday morning she was almost in tears.  I picked her up and she held on with all her life.  After lots of questioning about why she was so low, finally she revealed that no one was playing with her :P  I almost burst out laughing.  Two minutes later she was happily running after Devika in the compound.

Her pop-ins in class elicit unparallelled excitement and it's something we all crave for the entire day.  I dread the day she's going to move to Prep and to the other side of school. 

Till then, I'm stealing her!





 

Lovely Work Days

It's strange how six months into the fellowship, I've never written a single post on an amazing day spent in school, even though there have been plenty.

Yesterday was one such day. 

Most mornings now start with a billion "good morning Didi" coming from all corners.  Now of course they all start with a big bear hug by Ashiya.  An even though she can only reach my knees, it makes me feel SO special :)

For the first time after getting back, I just sat down with the kids during lunch and chilled.  Soon most of them were around me and we were laughing and giggling on the silliest of things possible.  The feeling was indescribable.  In the whole wide world, there was no other place I'd rather be than inside class IV, National Public School, Shahdra.

As the afternoon sun streamed in, the day ended with a fun car ride with Zeenat and Rajeev.  They let me in on all the class gossip from when I'm not in class.  Perfect end to a perfect day.

The going's not been easy but it's days like this that makes me thankful for that moment exactly one year ago when I pressed that Submit button.
 

Here's to you 2013!

A brand new year.

The last seemed to last a long while.  Maybe because so much happened in just one year. 

As I sit at home, soaking the sun light filetering in, I can't help think about what I was doing this time last year.  Looking back at years gone by is fast becoming my favourite hobby (makes me sound way too old).

But yes, I have come a long way.  A long long way from DLF Cyber City.

It has been a good year, one that I will always remember.  Never have I experienced so much in one single year.  I'll remember this year for the all the people I've met.  Specially the little people, who've probably taught me more than the other way round.

I've given up making resolutions and plans for some time now. 

But I feel like I need to.  I want to start this year with a little more direction. 

Last day of holiday is as good as it gets.

24.

24 and a few days already now.

Today's been a lazy Sunday.  It's amazing how unproductive I become just at the thought of no teaching tomorrow.  All of it is going to take its toll on my Monday that's for sure.

Birthday week's done.

First birthday with the kids.  One out of two that I'm going to be spending with them.  It was a wonderful day.  But by the end of day in class, I was just too tired.  That's been the theme of the week - exhaustion.  Just one more week and then some respite.  Phew.  I honestly can't wait to get a few days of regular sleep.  There's tons of work planned for the holidays as well.  Hopefully, it wouldn't be a scramble to the finish line.

Oh but this one's about my birthday.  Every year, like most of you out there, I remember the last birthday and how different this year has been to the last.

Joy.  That was what was missing last year.  And even though my room's a mess, I haven't spoken to most of my friends in weeks, my parents thing I've completely lost it - I'm happy. 

Exhausted but happy.

Rolling wheels

This my third attempt to write in the last month.

Two titled blogposts later, here I am.

The last post seems a while back.  Much has changed.  I've fallen in love - with all 37 of them.  We laugh more in class than we used to, shout less.

The road ahead is long and winding and currently seems never ending.  But October is already here.  Time really is flying. 

Today was the first day that I didn't feel like being there at all.  I just wanted to go back home.  The exhaustion, endless days and nights and work are all beginning to catch up I guess.

Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.

Just one of those days.

It's 8:30 pm.

Another mentally exhausting day.

I still have to plan for tomorrow.

But I really need to vent and this blog post needs to get from head to the screen in front of me.

Another crazy day.  It's amazing how I classify how my day went, solely by how my last half hour went.  I really tried to control myself today, tried to calm them down to a lower level of noise.  But suddenly nothing was working.

Sigh.

I did my usual round of threatening - no fun, no vidoes, no games period.  And the restlessness increased.  Teaching is the true test and learning ground of patience.  But that's easier to type than experience.

Yet, I can't wait to get back to class.  To maybe try another behaviour strategy - I'm thinking a time wasting tracker.  Or not.

The to-do list increases by the day, just don't feel like I'm not doing enough everyday.  For someone who loves to plan, this is just a WHOLE new level.

Right now I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

Everyday.

Just the fact that I came back home to Mumma, who hugged me and told me she's proud of me, made it better.

Much.

A new world.

My last blog post was July 8, 2012.

Lots has happened since:

1. Federer won Wimbledon.  That screaming crowd at Tagore 4 at Flame is one hell of a memory to keep from Institute

2. I said goodbye to The Incredibles and to Pune.  And even though it has only been three weeks, it does fell like forever ago

3. Got picked up from the railway station by someone other than the parents :P Never felt happier to see a bald, thin man with a wide smile plastered on his face :)

4. Started teaching full time!  First day at school - July 18, 2012.  The Smart Dreamers are all mine now.  All 37 of them :)  Each day is different from the others.  Yes, the sleep deprivation, if not taken care of, will give me dark circles very soon but I wake up everyday with a smile on my face (However cheesy that might sound).  Each little achievement we celebrate - getting the attendance right and finishing our lunch boxes. That's our first photo together!  Here's to the next two years!!

The day I grew up

Another Grandslam Final.

Some more butterflies in the stomach.

I think my most dramatic blogposts come out of Federer matches.

Today has been different.  I still want him to win.  I still screamed along with everyone else at the sad sight it was turning out to be.  But suddenly things were different today.  I guess, I've finally grown up.  It's been one of the more painful matches I've seen in a while.  But I can totally imagine how hyper and super tense a younger me would have been.

I don't know what the outcome of this match is going to be but I know my heart has finally accepted that the Fedex cannot always win.

I can almost hear most of my friends saying "finally" in their heads!

National Public School

The day finally came.  We got our schools in Delhi!  Even though I didn't get the area of my choice, I'm very excited.  Thankfully, Nakul (TFI fellow who's class I'm inheriting) kept a blog too.  So I've been reading about my to-be-kids the last couple of days.  Needless to say, I can't wait to get back home and to National Public School.

Everyone says that I have it easier because it's a second year intervention classroom.  But I feel this huge weight of responsibility on my head now.  To lead those 34 Smart Dreamers to higher heights!

Week 2.

And Week 2 at RN Shah is done too.

Two down. Two to go.

Reading comprehension is up next - Charlie and The Chocolate Factory!

Time is really running.  The three hours at school pass away just like that, the rest flies away in trying to figure out our plans.

Today is the first day I felt really really homesick.  Hearing mumma and papa talk about macaroni at home made me just want to get on a plane and go back. 

Soon I will be home, at a new school, with kids that will be mine for the next two years :)

Week 1

Week one at R.N.Shah is over.

Last Maths class today.  Even though the division problems bombed dramatically, I can't begin to get back to teaching it again!

The week has been eventful to say the least.  My very own classroom - The Incredibles and my very own twenty four children.  The first class I guess is meant to be special and it sure is.

As we make our way through the gullies of budhwar peth everyday, I'm somehow am not overwhelmed by the area, the circumstances or even the stories I hear.  I guess TFI drills the achievement gap so into your head that when you actually see it, it doesn't stun you.  I've been waiting all week for it to hit me.  I don't know if it was the excitement of teaching maths or the sleep deprived days but I'm still waiting...

I don't know whether it's a good thing or not.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not emotionally connecting, that I'm still in some way, detached from it all.

I remember going to this orphanage in Noida, years ago.  I came back home and cried for hours grappling with what fate/ destiny really meant.

Maybe I've just grown up.

60-56=16

Second maths class today.

Long division.

Sigh.

The half an hour just flew by.  But not without me realizing that my children can't subtract!  11-12 years old, sitting smartly in class, all ears for whatever I'm saying were sudden'ly struggling with subtraction!

Sure, I've been told that they're years behind  but today was just a reality check.  More than that I guess.

I can't wait to get back to class.

Lots and lots of "Division=Equal Sharing" ahead.

Fifty Four

The number of hours with my children in VI B.

All seventeen of them.

All the assessments and stuff over, so let the real teaching begin!

Division of two/ three digit numbers today!

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Day 10.

Had my first Maths content class today.  Haven't had this much fun in a while!

We saw a movie called "Stand Up & Deliver" earlier this week and it truly summarized what I felt about Maths all my life -

"Maths is the Greatest Equaliser"

True That.

But grading the beginning of Summer School papers made me realize how tough it's going to be to teach basic maths...have to make lesson plan by tomorrow!!!

You may criticize it, but you cannot desert it.  

It belongs to you now.

- Anu Aga, on TFI

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Day 5.

The one thing I was looking forward to at Institute was teaching maths.  It's a subject I gradually fell in love with in school and miss terribly.

Today revolved around planning a lesson to teach grade three children addition of three digit numbers.  And honestly, it really wasn't the easiest thing to do.  Just defining addition without using the word "add" became such a task for everyone.

Lots and lots and lots of planning is in store before class begins on Monday!!!

On excellence. Day 4.

The promises

I am sure we're going to make a lot of promises in the next two years.  But I just want to take the time out and record the ones that we made today.

1.  Things I don't want to do in my class:

a. Be bored with the content
b. Shout
c. Pick on any particular student
d. Compare
e. Not accept my mistake

2. For summer school,:

a. To be fully aware of how engaged or not the children are
b. Try to pursue constant innovation and never settling into my comfort zone
c. To plan every single second
d. Learning from my mistakes

Teaching as Leadership

I just wanted to put down some of the words we heard today that I thought were special.

The problem is huge, someone has to do something - why not me.

Transformational Teaching

Day 4

After the first few initial days, we got to discuss teaching today.  Transformational teaching.

But what was most striking about that session was the video of Ms Johnson's pre kindergarten class.  She was teaching her children bar graphs! 

I had taught pictographs as my sample teaching for the TFI interview and really pondered over how to break it down to explain to children in class IV.  And here was somebody who was able to demonstrate the concept to a bunch of three year olds.

Just made me realize, albeit again, that nothing is impossible.

Life Maps

Day 3.

The last two days, though surreal, have been super fabulous.  Today's second session was one that I am struggling with.

To share in a circle of trust events/ people/ places that shaped you as a person.  To hear the stories and feel the emotions.  Every story is special and so is every struggle and challenge.

As the activity progressed, there were so many things that started coming to my mind.  I guess when you view your life in such a way, you suddenly see all the lessons learnt and the challenges faced all together.  The whole exercise I think overwehmed me a little bit, maybe because emotions were running high and we were all talking of things close to our hearts and sharing out there without any inhibitions.  It made a little too emotional even though I'd promised myself to avoid doing that.

But I guess that's what the last few days have taught me.  It's ok to be down and out sometimes.  Just need to know that there is no need to wallow in self pity.

I will pick myself up tomorrow and stay positive.

Because tomorrow really is a brand new day.

Little People

Day 3 - TFI Core Values

Little People
 
They laugh at me, these fellas,
Just because I am small
They laugh at me because I'm not hundred feet tall!
I tell 'em there's a lot to learn down here on the ground
The world is big, but little people turn it around!

A worm can roll a stone
A bee can sting a bear
A fly can fly around Versailles
'Cos flies don't care!
A sparrow in a hut
Can make a happy home
A flea can bite the bottom
Of the Pope in Rome!

Gaoliath was a buiser who was tall as the sky.
But David threw a right and gave him one in the eye.
I never read the Bible but I know that it's true
It only goes to show what little people can do!

- Les Miserables

The Vision And The Power of Possibility

Day 2.

The day's almost over but I'm willing myself to write down this post because I know it will disappear from my head tomorrow.

Today started with knowing more about TFI and Shaheen.  In very simple words it was all very inspiring and made me wonder if I'd ever have the courage to have done what she has done and what everyone at Akanksha did when they started out.

Watching her share her stories made me feel privileged to be where I was and even to some extent surreal.

Watching all the children from the Akanksha centres was even more special. The level of maturity with which they spoke about their struggles - domestic violence, financial troubles and even losing a parent, was something I probably can't even do myself.  They were just such a joy to watch and they did bring this cheer in the room.

We discussed each one's vision for our classroom.  I think mine is that I want to pass on to my students the ability to dream.  I know it's really at an abstract level right now and needs to be broken down into goals and objectives for the classroom but I think it's a start.  I do believe in the power of a dream and I hope some day my students realize that.

_____________________________________

Then came the Yellow Hat.

The cap that signified the power of optimism and faith, to always tell yourself that you can.

The task at one hand - Feeding people in the community without any money

The players - 10 people - 2 blindfolded, 2 couldn't use their hands, two couldn't use one foot and the rest couldn't speak. 

I chose to be the one of the two hoping around on one foot.  It was exhausting physically.  So mentally I just took the easy way out.  I went back to my comfort zone and didn't really push myself.  I made peace with my physical achievements in the task.  It's afterwards when we reflected that we had ourselves modified the task into some sort of competition.  We just had to feed people.  But as Sakina said, it wasn't really feeding.  We just somehow got food from people for free and then distributed it to anyone who'd eat it.  Forgetting the very fact that no one had said the goal of the task was to feed maximum people.

What it did teach me was that this task involved the quintessential question - quality vs quantity.



I've learnt so much today, but what I want to remember today is a line with which the last session ended:

"You've chosen not to be a bystander but always remember it's not ok to just show up"

Amen.

The TFI Way...

It's just been two days.  Just forty eight hours.  But it already feels like a lifetime of learning.

I can't believe I got to Pune just yesterday!

My first day as a TFI fellow.

I've planned to put as much down on this blog, about this experience, as possible.  I don't want to eventually forget stuff.

Today entailed a visit to a small community in Pune and connecting with a child.  I've always felt that I get along well with kids, but the hour or so I spent with Shifa made me rethink that notion.  It also taught me, more importantly, the importance of high expectations.  I'd set a goal of talking to her.  And that's what I decided was going to happen.

I've felt the importance of expectations before but never really in such a manner.  Maybe never even felt so good when I did achieve my goal.  When she held my hand as we fielded together during cricket or when she giggled on the thought of Bodyguard, my heart really did soar.

Such happy feelings.

The second part of the day was the opening ceremony.  I found it weird that everybody keeps talking of and using the word "magical".  But honestly, it really was.  Meeting alumni, current fellows and the little students being taught by TFI fellows was just incredible!

It was an awesome day.

Looking forward to an even better tomorrow :)

Not So Much The End Of An Era

This one, like all my other blog posts, has been due for a while.

Due since May 15, 2012.

That was my last day at work.  One year and two months to be exact.  The feeling was surreal, sometimes still is.  There's no doubt that I learnt a lot, met some wonderful people, made a great group of friends and have tons of memories that I really really cherish.

I've always been one to play safe.  Always.  

For the first time in my life I feel like I've taken a risk, a huge one at that.  But the feeling is unbelievable!! Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself.  This is really happening to me!!

It has been a tough couple of months.  But I've got through it. I leave for Pune tomorrow, for what a lot of people tell me, is going to be the best five weeks of my life.

As the excitement takes over, I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I can't wait to come back and officially declare that I Teach For India :)

Us And The City

 It's been more than a year since I moved to this City.  Like it or not, it's been home for some time now.  And there's one person I have to thank for making this city bearable, even enjoyable :)

I'm not one for room mates.  A single child who's never lived in a hostel.  I was scared we'd eventually ruin the friendship, that it would result in an ugly fight, some day.  But I'm pleased to report that our love has only grown.  

I'm writing this to the sounds of her guitar, the singing sessions I'm definitely going to miss too!

We've discovered Guragon together.  The shared monday morning blues, fish fingers, board games, planning the pictograph lesson, our common love for cheese, RD at the Epicentre, Route 69 and some momos! Memories that will stay with us forever :)

Notwithstanding how hard and excessively emotional the year has been, having her around has preserved some amount of sanity in me.

So here's to you Ankita Satija and to our friendship.  Eleven years and going strong!

  

Remember when

They say people always remember exactly where they were when something significant/ life changing happened.  The exact place and time, what they were wearing, what day it was, the weather and what not.

Watching Federer play Nadal in the semi finals today, I realized that I seemed to remember almost every thursday of the third week of January for the last six years.  That's almost every Australian Open semi final Federer has played.  I remember the dejection and the jubilation.  That heart breaking semi final against Safin or the white wash of Roddick a couple of years ago.  I remember each such afternoon.  It's like we've shared this day, every year for so many years.

I've loved and followed Federer through each of those, with tears and shrieks of joy of course.  He may have lost today but I know there's at least one more grand slam out there to win! 

Here's to you Roger for being an inspiration and a true hero. 

See you at the French!

What a life - Part II

Forty odd years they were married.  And just like that, he's gone, leaving her behind.  The sadness doesn't leave her eyes.  It's like she's in a different world, unaware of conversation around her.  The house feels empty without him, like he's just around the corner, tinkering away in the store or fixing a light in the bathroom and that a moment later he's going to walk in the room.

But he's gone. 

I can't imagine what she feels.  The empty bed.  The empty house.  The empty chair at the dining table.  The empty whiskey glass.

It was a painful two years.  Looking at old photos suddenly reminds me of how weak he'd become.  It was freedom from the pain, it was what everyone was praying for.  Yet I can't come to terms with it.  Tears still fill my eyes when I see his photo in their room.  A man loved and respected by all. 

Here's to you Air Commodore OP Sharma, a true Air Warrior.  

I know you're out there watching over me. 

I miss you.

True That

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

- William Ernest Henley 

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

Like my standard new year’s resolution of writing more.

I know I haven’t written in a while but it sort of took me by surprise to see August 15, 2011 on top of that last post. Where the hell have I been! Hopefully, this year will see more writing!

Coming back to the title of the post, it came to me while walking towards college on Saturday. I haven’t been back in almost two years and at the cost of sounding clichéd, it felt like I hadn’t ever left. I almost felt like I’d run into a van/ class member around the corner. Things have changed. But the smell of the trees near the basement, the canteen food and the musty commerce corridor took me back instantly. A million memories came flooding back. Really should go back once with the gang. Another new year resolution then?

This is the city I live in

We were driving back from CP last night after dinner and stopped at India Gate for that customary ice cream. There was a Honda city parked right in front of the ice cream wala. They were buying a cornetto, more like some six or seven of them. The ice cream wala was a young kid, must be sixteen or so.

The driver was screaming at him over something and kept yelling for five minutes. Then, as most Delhites do to show power, pulled out his phone and called someone. For the next five minutes someone on the phone terrorized the poor kid. Eventually, to end his ordeal he gave the Honda city dude his money back.

All this for free ice cream.

Jumping out of bed

Friday is a happy day.

Once I get over the traffic that is.

Today was exhausting as usual. As much as I love Delhi in the rains, I just can't tolerate another bumpy ride back home. My favorite way to wile away time till mumma get dinner ready is to catch up on all the recorded movies.

That is when I decided to watch 'Julie & Julia' for the n th time. I absolutely love the film, cracks me up every single time. But more importantly it really fills me with hope every time I watch it. Hoping that someday, I too will find something that I absolutely love to do. And it is best articulated by Julia Child, describing her cooking classes - "I can't wait to get up every morning. I literally jump out of bed."

I can't wait to feel that way. Mumma tells me it'll come to me on its own. Yet I know I have to start looking. I don't hate the corporate world but I know there's something else out there for me. I just haven't managed to put my finger on it yet. I've been moping for the last two months, complaining about the corporate life, telling all and sundry that I was doing just about ok.

But now I'm putting a stop to that.

I know I need a deadline. I'd originally thought a year should be enough. But I've been working for four months and time really has flown. Maybe purpose doesn't reveal itself just because one has a methodical approach to finding it. I have no other way I guess.

So I'm going to start by making a list of everything that pops into my head and hopefully, I'll find something I'll jump out of bed for every morning.

Amen.

Roger Federer

This blog has been alive for close to four years and I've never ever written a single post completely dedicated to Him.

I'd planned to write this post right after the French Open final but then I figured I'd wait till Wimbledon. That obviously didn't go too well.

So this one is right after his thirtieth birthday.

Happy birthday Roger.

With this birthday, a deadline I've hung on to since I was fifteen also expired. I spent most of school/ college nursing the ambition of someday being his wife.

"When I'll be 22, he'll only be 29"

*sigh*

But yes we've come a long way. I don't remember the first time I saw him play. Originally he was the other Swiss for me. But after a while I just couldn't take Hingis getting slaughtered by the Williams' on a regular basis.

And then the obsession began.

I've cried after many a Grand Slam heart breaks, stolen Sports Stars from the library (thank you Krishanu!), changed the channel every time he lost a point, got back a bundle of newspapers in German from Switzerland after he won the French Open and insisted on buying the men's vogue because he was on the cover.

I love his story and he really has been an inspiration all these years. Things haven't gone so well this year but I love the fact that he refuses to believe he hasn't got it in him anymore. I believe him.

Here's to the Olympics and Wimbledon 2012.

Just one of those days

Trust Mumma to bring a smile to my face.

"Beta always remember one thing in life, no matter what you do, you can never choose your boss or your in-laws.

Amen.

Living the corporate life

January 21, 2011

March 16, 2011

April 24, 2011

It has been more than four months since the result, two months since I got back to work and a month since I shifted to Gurgaon. Just two months and I already seem to have been sucked into the tornado that is the corporate world. So much was to be written but now those moments have passed and some blog posts lost forever.

As rack my brain for meaningful lines, I really am drawing a blank.

So much has suddenly changed, not that I'm complaining. I'm finally discovering what it means to live without the parents and even though I now don't stay under the same roof as them, it never really feels like I'm far away.

Getting used to all the protocol at work has been a little tougher. I detest having to use Arial size ten EVERYWHERE! I miss excel and all those numbers. My Libran scale is at it tipsiest best. Most mondays are spent in mourning of the weekend, a double whammy since I keep thinking about leaving home as well as the impending week ahead.

Thankfully, just the fact that Ankita is so close by makes me smile :)

Discovering Gurgaon is the other chapter unraveling, even though it currently only involves getting to see all the malls around.

Some days are spent dreaming of holidays. I've looked up Rio, Cambodia and Turkey till now, making me realise that a LOT needs to be saved if I intend to get to any of these places soon.

I'm ending this post with a promise to write more soon.

Of Notions Destroyed And Some More...

GMCS

February 8th - February 25th, 2011

This one's been due for just over a week now.

For the longest time I'd pride myself in the fact that I didn't have a lot of close friends doing CA. It gave me this sense of exclusivity. The hooligans in class only intensified my belief.

So obviously I wasn't looking forward to spending fifteen full days with qualified/aspiring accountants holed up in some random bhawan at ITO. But boy was I wrong.

Not only did I manage to survive the course but I also managed to brutally destroy notions that I've held on to for close to four whole years.

To be honest I eyed everyone a little suspiciously the first two days. Making mental notes of how weird everyone was (no offence, you guys!). But through the games and discussions, the endless photo sessions, the forever lasting game of dumb charades and doodles that still need to be scanned, I met some wonderful people.

It really has been an awesome two weeks. And yes, more importantly it has once again taught me not to judge. For if I really had, I would be missing out on some great people in my life.

So here's to the car rides, the obsession with cocoberry, the lunch lines with women's reservation, the shady song singing and a whole lot more.

See you all soon!

Karol Bagh. Take Two

June, 2008.

That's the last time I went to work in Karol Bagh. Two whole summers I spent walking the streets, trying to make my way through the hoards of people that descend on Pusa Road everyday.

That summer was also when I fell in love with balance sheets again. As much as I was thankful for that experience, I prayed I'd never have to work their again.

Today I went back. I was very apprehensive when papa suggested it, scared that no one at the office would recognize me. But I couldn't convince him to just send the mithai. So I went.

It was nothing short of surreal. Even though it's probably not possible, it seemed like a LOT more people!

The street looked completely different. A new hotel and new bank branch made it hard for me to locate the office. But I found the staircase at the back. The same guard, the same expression-less secretary on the second floor and the same office. As if time had really not changed anything here.

Thankfully, everyone remembered me and the conversations were not in the least bit awkward.

I will always remember Karol Bagh. For the insane heat and the almost non existent AC, for the pigeon hole offices, for the pink sports car that is still parked opposite office and for the people who really welcomed me then and today :)

Chronicles of the lazy bum

It has been a week since the twenty first.

More dramatically put, the biggest sub plot of my life got a befitting end a week ago.

But this post is not about the result or the celebrations thereafter or even the million thank yous that really need to be said.

It's about the new side of me that these holidays have made me discover. I've never been this free. Never since school ended have I got this much free time on my hands. I have to admit, I've loved every moment of it. I'm truly dreading the end of my afternoon nap cycle and the twelve hour sleep patterns.

The laziness had also meant the slow death of this blog, which hopefully I'll try and amend soon.

I've been trying to get some reading done the last couple of days but being lazy has really become a lifestyle for me. I get nothing done and I don't seem to mind it either. Hopefully, the brain wouldn't protest too much when the time comes. But till then I intend to fully enjoy the last couple of weeks/days left.

Or as Saumya puts it

" Have fun ya. The next time we'll get long break like this will be when we're pregnant."

Getting back to life

I've probably written this blog post about a million times in my head.

And I'm already stuck after the first line!

It has been less than a month since the 22nd.I can't believe those papers are over! Looking back, it feels like time just flew by. The endless classes, metro rides, never ending rants and constant self doubt. All done and dusted. At least till January.

I didn't want to make a To Do list this time. For once I wanted to try not planning everything. Not that I've managed to get done quite as much as I wanted to.

The laziness is addictive.

Papa's been nudging me to do something productive, shockingly even mentioning his office once. He thinks I need a routine. Thankfully, Mumma thinks differently.

But at least this is one thing I can now cross from my list.

This blog is alive again!

November.Forever

K: I'm SO bored. I can't take it anymore!

G: I know ya. The only thing that keeps me going is that its only till november.

K: I know! Then we're free :)

________________________________________________________________________________

G:I was telling Kari how we only have to do this till november!

Papa: That not true you know..

G: Huh?

Papa: It'll never be over. You'll have to buy that reckoner every year.

G : *sigh*

What A Life

I don't remember the first time I met them.

OP Uncle and Vinnie Aunty.

But I've grown up in their house. Counted the subzi in their fridge for fun. Made that window sill my most favourite spot in the whole wide world. They still tell stories of how they've known me since the time I couldn't reach up to the dining table.

I didn't want to just call them Uncle and Aunty. It was too impersonal. But somehow no other word stuck.

Years have rolled on. They have their own grand children. I don't mind the fact that I have to share them. I'd like to believe that we're all one big family.

November it was when Uncle got sick the first time.

He hasn't been better since.

I see him wasting away every week. Ten kilos lighter now.

Memories of our early morning walks come flooding back. He taught me to not be scared of anything slimy. Entertained me with all his stories of flying.

And there he is now.

I can see the pain on his face. How he masks it with all that sarcasm.

I went to meet him early one day, sure that we'd run of of conversation soon. The silence wasn't unnerving. I wanted to tell him to be strong but I couldn't whiteout crying.

He looked at me. Sighed and said " What a life".

I was stunned. I hugged him and told him it'd be alright, the word sounding hollow in my head.

I came back home and I realised how I'd never told him how much I loved him.

Next time around, I lay my head right next to him.

Told him there was something I needed to tell him. Something I'd never managed to say.

"I love you so much."

He looked at me, smiled and fell right back to sleep.

I was glad he hadn't seen the tears rolling down my face.

Smile Please?

I love to smile.

Or as Susie would put it, I could be Colgate's brand ambassador. Several times the uncle who takes my passport size photos has told me to smile less.

Being the smiling type, I end up smiling at people everywhere. Aunties with cute babies, people at the office where I'm auditing or even people on the train. But what I've always noticed is that, more often that not, people never smile back. They just stare back blankly as if they've never seen any one smile. They could be laughing hysterically with a bunch of friends two minutes back but the moment a stranger smiles at them, they become all cold and seemingly emotionless.

I think this is something that's every peculiar to Delhi (I'm going to refrain saying India, cause I haven't really travelled that much). Every time I've travelled out side the country,I've had every smile reciprocated. Every person whether walking on the road, in the bus or even in the washroom, would always smile back.

What is it with us?

Are we a much unhappier lot?

It cannot be the busy or hectic life. I've been to New York and I didn't get a single blank stare.

Its like we're afraid to smile.

Or has the city made us distrust even some one who's smiling at us.

Maybe its just not natural instinct and I'm not sure its a quality one can imbibe.

So I'm going to have to just learn to live with the stern/worried/morose looking faces I see in the train every Sunday.

Of Delhi Winters And Related Adventures

This one's been in the making ever since I read Siddharth's post on Delhi (http://siddharthkrishnamoorthy.blogspot.com/2009/12/ode-to-theedelhi.html).

The last couple of days have got me thinking of the city even more. It all started with my early morning Metro ride. I have class at seven every other day. The fog that descended last Tuesaday made it impossible for me to drive. I had to get to class and the only option was to take the Metro.

So I took the train at quarter to seven, discovering in the process how early morning rides are a perfect opportunity to let the mind wander. The train was enveloped in a blanket of white till Akshardham. Thats when I started thinking of Delhi. I've spent twenty years in staying here ( and I don't care if you don't consider Noida a part of Delhi, I always will). Even though I like to proclaim myself to be a Kashmiri, I'm a complete Delhite.

There's something about this place thats completely unique. Its not just the myriad of people or the potent mix of culture. Its not just the long drawn traffic jams or the Blue lines. Most importantly for me, it is our ability to always be interesting.

You can never get bored in Delhi.

Never ever.

Delhi has to be one of the perfect places to spend time alone. My walk from the Metro station to class made me aware of just that. There's always so much happening around. Even if its 7:15 a.m

I walk and travel alone from class to office. There's hasn't been one day where something interesting hasn't happened. I've seen a pick pocket being caught, an uncle lecture the Metro on the "DTC culture" and a rickshaw wala who was intent on turning a two minute ride into a roller coaster nightmare. All in one day.

I still crib about the traffic, the lack of courtesy, the rash driving and more. But every Sunday as I walk from Pragati Maidan to ITO, I fall in love with the city and realise that it is here that I belong.

An Ode To Worldspace

I haven't written a word for close to two months.

I don't want to blame it on the padai or the office. I just haven't had anything to say. Though two months is a really long time to not have anything to say.

And this post is not just because I have to write something. Its just that now, I finally have something to write about.

So coming to what this post is all about,

Two Saturdays back, after I came back home from class,

Guess What??

Huh??

They're shutting down Worldspace!

WHAT???!!!! HOW??!!! WHY??!!!

I saw it in the paper in the morning

But..what are we going to do!!!!!!!

We can't do anything

Our life is over!


And that single conversation almost brought me to tears. We've had the Worldspace Radio for more than three years. I've studied to it, eaten dinner with it and read my favourite books with it in the background. My Dad would tell all and sundry how we had to be the most loyal customers. It was kept on the entire day, even when Ma and I took our afternoon naps.

But most importantly, Worldspace helped me discover my type of music. I was one of those who'd listen to just about everything and before I got Worldspace the only musician I really followed was Norah Jones.

And then I found Channel No. 197 Up Country. So totally my kind of music. I love country music and most of what I know and hear of it was because of Worldspace.

So the news of Worldspace was more than just disastrous. It was the end to endless hours of Up Country. I can't go back to normal radio. Too many ads and irrigating RJs and never/hardly any country music.

The last couple of days before it shut down, I heard a little bit of every channel. Mumma says dinner time doesn't seem the same anymore. We're trying to find a replacement in the millions of CDs we own. But I've gone over most of them already and our options are sort of running out.

So here's to Worldspace and the wonderful years we had with it.

You are missed :)

Sorely.

To Bargain Or Not

I can't haggle to save my life. I don't like to haggle. My mother though can run a certification course on the same. Sadly, I havn't inherited an ounce of that art.

We've been looking for a particular kind of cushin cover for a really long time. Today at CP Mumma found the perfect match. This, after looking through an insane number of covers and trying out different combinations. Then of course came the inevitable

"Kitne lagaogi ?"

"Madam, maine toh aapko theek theek hi lagay hai. 75 ka hai, maine aapko 60 ka bataya hai."

"Chalo 50 ka de do."

"Nahin madam usme toh humara kuch nahin bane ga."

"Arre de do na."

I'm already squriming at this point.

"Nahin, madam"

Chalo theek hai phir, hum aage se dekh le ge

And then the walk away. Now this I've always thought to be the riskiest move. Also, the one that is most likely to get you the best bargains. I mean if you really like whatever it is that you're buying and the guy doesn't relent, you'll end up regretting the walk away.You can't really go back because then the shopkeeper has the upper hand. Or as my five year old cousin would say " Aap ki chop ho gayi " .
Of course, if he does relent and holler for you to come back, you're the lucky winner.

So yes, coming back to my mom's shopping strategy. We walked and she hollered back. We walked a little more and we could hear her scream in the background. So I told my Mom that we should go back and get them. I took her purse and walked back. Now, Mumma thought she'd bargain for 200 (50 *4 ). But when I went back, I some how managed to agree to 220. Mom was furious. But I managed to convince her. The cushion cover lady didn't have change so my Mom got impatient and decided to walk. For twenty bucks. We walked away for twenty bucks.

And this is where my problem with bargaining begins and ends. If you like it, you should get it. That is, if it it involves as little a sum as twenty rupees. Its not a hundred or a grand. Twenty we can afford.

Cushion cover lady follwed us and got the change with her. So we ended up paying 220.My Mom of course, has vowed to never go shopping with me.

My Dad thinks we should have started with 30!

Here Comes That Train !

The Metro's finally reached Noida !!

I've lived through a lot of construction work, diversions and traffic jams for the last 2 and half years. Needless to say I've really anticipated this moment. The sight of the train being tested a week before gave me such a kick! So yes, I couldn't wait for Friday, the thirteenth.

Mumma couldn't stop talking about it on Friday. She even clicked a photo of it from our balcony. First day was going to be mad so we figured we'd risk Saturday and go for a ride. Of course, half of Noida would have used the train on Friday. The other half, unfortunately decided to turn up the exact moment that I did. So the station was jam packed when we got there. I'd quite literally dreamt of the day I would buy my Smart Card ( yes, I am slightly dramatic). The platform was a total mess !! There were just too many people trying to spot the train. I love the fact that I can spot my house from the platform. So yes, fifteen minutes later the train decided to grace us with its presence.

And then the pushing and shoving began. I've travelled in blue lines and DTCs before so I'm used to it all and over the years have learnt to hold my ground even if it is a few square centimetres. Mumma though hasn't been in a bus for quite some time. I could see how much the rush was bothering her. We ended up standing right next to the doors. So she tried telling people not to get in at several stations. Obviously, that didn't work. And just as we were pushed and shoved in, we were pushed out at Rajeev Chowk.

I'd like to believe that the once the initial excitement wears of, the rush will get staggered. But I'm also painfully aware that there's no way that I can avoid all that rush always. Sadly, the Metro can't make people disappear. Or may be everyone will travel by the train and the roads will be emptier. Maybe not.

The ride back was much better. We got seats and watching the lit up line from the Metro was great.

Thank you DMRC :)

Mumma's Birthday And Going Back To Where We Belong

We celebrated Mumma's fiftieth today in compensation for last year. I felt so bad for her, completely ruining last year because of my papers and I had promised to make it up to her this year. So we celebrated her 50th today and we celebrate her 51st tomorrow :)

I gave her tons of options and wherever she wanted to go we'd go. I knew she wanted to go back to Khan Market. She's been wanting to go back for years and some how I've never managed to get her there.

Mumma's grown up in Khan Market. Spending winters there because Kashmir was way too cold. So naturally, I've grown up hearing stories of Khan and how much fun every one had together.

Over the three years in college I've spent a lot of time in Khan myself. I even looked up Flat no. 10 and reported back to her that it now housed a salon.

As I drove towards the parking I could sense her excitement. She started looking around and told me of how she remembered it. I let her lead the way. I knew where she wanted to go first. 10, Khan Market. She stood there and just looked. I could sense all those memories flooding back. We even went up and looked around, as she proudly announced to all in sight that she used to live there earlier.

We went all around the market. I heard stories of night stays, bike rides, morning walks and more. I've heard most of them before and I know I'd love to hear them all over again. She told me of shops that were there even when she was young. She told me how much the place had changed.

I thought we'd go to CP next but she wanted to go to Lodhi Garden. I know how much she used to love those morning walks with Papaji. She looked around like an excited kid. We walked all over the place and I loved the fact that she was completely enjoying herself.

Its been a wonderful wonderful day. We haven't spent this sort of time together in a very long time and I'm very glad we did.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMA :)

Of Home, Audits, Train Rides And All That Jazz

I've just come back from my first out station audit.

It was my first trip alone in years.

I wasn't looking forward to it a lot but it eventually turned out to be a lot of fun. I suddenly realised how use to I am to staying in Delhi. I crib about the traffic but deserted roads in Panchkula made me uncomfortable.I complain about the millions of people and zero breathing space but an almost empty mall on a Saturday evening made me feel like I had landed on Mars.

I love Delhi.

But I never really knew that. I've always wanted to move out. I've made extravagant plans of moving to DC or owning a farm in Vienna. I'd never even considered that leaving would ever be an issue.

I also didn't love the whole being alone bit as much as I thought I would. Mornings just dragged on forever. I must have called home some three times even before breakfast. The silence at night wasn't soothing and that stupid coir mattress didn't help either.

I discovered family and the fun of hanging out with cousins. I've never felt so loved by relatives in a really long time. Those late night gossip sessions still have me in splits. I hope we get to meet more often !

To top it all the work wasn't that bad either. Tons of new stuff that I will hopefully remember.

It was a great week and I'm glad to be back home !!

Of Blue Elephants and Disappearing Parks

I see those statues everyday. Wrapped in blue plastic waiting to be unveiled. It makes me sick every single day. Mayawati and her army of blue elephants trampling over every park in sight.Endless articles have and will be written on the money and environment. But she's also managed to single handedly destroy much more than that.

I remember driving by those walls a couple of months back. Kari and I thought it was to border the parks. Little did we know that Mayawati was just trying to keep all the demolition out of sight. I remember how Papa came home all distressed one day. He had managed to get a glance behind those massive stone walls. He couldn't stop talking about how everything had been razed to the ground. He could see the swirls of mud spilling onto the road from his office.

I don't remember the last time I went to Nandan Kanan but I have a lot of happy memories there. The endless orange bars I've had there, the school picnics, sleeping in the winter sun and taking a drive just to see the fountains light up the night.

Its all gone now.

And even though there's a stay and the court might intervene, what was is now all gone.

If I could, I'd love to go throw a shoe at those stupid statues.

21 it is!

I wanted to mark the day on my blog.

And even though I'm three days late, I still wanted to write this post.

I'm not one of those people who start counting down days a month before their birthday or get really super duper excited.

But this one I was really looking forward to. 21 has a great ring to it and I get to use it for one entire year. I'd planned to do tons of things, some plans worked out and others didn't. I didn't get the dress or the haircut. But I had great two days and I'm trying to stretch and spill the happiness over to this.

So even though Henna might say I'm already half way to 42, I'm really kicked to be 21!!

Of Tax Reports, Five Audits and Six Whole Months

Its been six months.

Six whole months.

I didn't thing I'd survive this long. Half a year seems like a really long time!

I don't think I've made many friends but that's not really something I was looking for any way.


I'd promised myself that I'd give the work my best shot. I figured maybe, just maybe I might like something. Six months and a tax deadline later, I know at least one thing for sure. Tax is way cooler than any audit.I like looking up stuff on my own or figuring what the act really wants to say. There's a certainty to tax that in some weird kind of way is vaguely comforting. I hate asking people around and new audits scare me slightly.I don't know what to do, who to ask, where to go.

Mumma used to constantly tell me that she can't imagine me spending all my days buried in files in front of a computer.But honestly, I don't mind it one bit. I like having my own desk and my own laptop.I like labelling files and sorting out papers.

But it also worries me that I might get too comfortable. And then not have enough guts to get out when I really want to.

Hopefully, by the end of the next 6 months I'll know exactly where I want to be.

Baby Noor

I'm not too fond of lizards but unlike most people I don't think they're creepy and disgusting. I do hate mosquitoes though. Lizards eat mosquitoes. So all my life I've followed the simple logic of a lizard being an enemy's enemy and thus, my friend.

But for a while now I've been noticing these baby lizards all over my house. They're just beyond cute. With tiny hand and feet that look like they're been sketched on the wall, these lizards are just adorable. Watching them run around the house has been so much fun. Many an exam night I have spent looking out for these lizards for some entertainment.

I can't believe people shoo them out of their house or even try to kill them!

Since I have been so in love with these baby lizards, I decided to name them! I can't really differentiate between them so they're all called Noor :)

The last baby Noor was spotted a couple of days ago but I haven't seen her since. I'm waiting for a new one to pop on my walls soon!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Believe it or not, your life does not depend on the Direct Tax Code.
Really.

-Pa

HAPPY FAMILY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER!

Why so sad.

How are you feeling now?

I'm ok. No fever now.I just feel all fat.

But you're not fat.

I am.

Why don't you watch something on TV? Watch So you think you can Dance.

Look at them. They're all so thin.

Ok, so maybe this was not such a good idea.

Its just so hot.

Then why don't you switch on the AC?

Because then its just too cold.

Then just increase the temperature.

but it doesn't go above 25.

Are you sure you're ok?

I just feel like crying.

Umm..why? Did someone say something at work?

No. I just get this feeling from time to time.

__________________________________________________________

Are you feeling better today?

I spent the entire afternoon crying.

Why?

It happens sometimes. I'm fat, I haven't studied and I'm not motivated enough.

But you're sick. You can't be motivated.

Still.

_____________________________________________________________

Hello.

Ok woman here's the deal. I know you really like to, but you need to stop wallowing in self pity. Stop wallowing.Stop.

umm..ok.

Have you cried in the last two hours?

No.

Have you eaten anything?

I want to eat Spaghetti.

You know you really make it impossible for anyone to help you.

Of Audit Reports, Excel Sheets and Traffic Jams

I figured it is high time I start documenting my work days :)

It has been one hell of a week. I've just finished my first Internal Audit report. I've gotten up at 4 in the morning to work on a presentation. I've spent 2 entire hours trying to get home from CP. I've learnt a billion Excel short cuts. I'm discovering office politics.I've also counted everything from beer glasses, knives, pillow cases, examination sheets and fans.

Work has been fun. But I'm guessing that's because everything is new. Once the sheen wears off, I'm fearing its going to get slightly boring. Thankfully, I start at a new place on Monday :)

I've been working since May 14,2009. The days are all sort of flying by and I can't really tell one day from the other. That really can't be such a good thing. Hence, the blog post.

Of Greener Grass And Sour Grapes.

Twenty suddenly seems so old.

I've finished college, I have a job and I drive my own car. As a ten year old I wanted nothing more than to grow up and have my own cabin and computer.I'm living the life I hoped I would.

And in that same ten year old brain I had a list of things that I hoped I'd never let go of. I couldn't imagine life without them. As I discussed school gossip with Ratik on Pranav's birthday, I realized how much of that list had already disappeared or was fast vanishing. Now this list is not a profound collection of ideas, values or even people. It was just normal everyday stuff that I thought I'd absolutely die without.

I used to love the summers regardless of how hot it would actually get. Summer meant bhutta and mango every evening. I used to pity people who didn't know what an excellent combination they were missing out on. I've started to hate mangoes and I can't even remember the last time I had bhutta. With the advent of frozen corn, even corn rice is not exclusively summer anymore.

Summer was also when the swimming pool would become my second home. And now three entire summers have gone by and I can count the number of times I've been to on one hand.

I'm a TV addict. Or was till some time back. I had a couple of friends who didn't have one at home and frankly their life just seemed so sad. It sounded insane that people actually lived with little or no TV in their life. I count myself lucky now if I get to watch even one Seinfeld episode a week.

The movie hall-every weekend has been my family's motto till as far back as I can remember. I love everything about the movies. I love the trailers. I love the pop corn. I love talking for hours about the bad ones. The works basically. So when Papa told me about movies releasing that I hadn't heard of, I sort of started freaking out.

There's almost nothing on that list that hasn't disappeared except possibly the phone, the fact that I live with my parents and that I still love to underline.

The "coolness" of this life is suddenly lost one me. I have to start rediscovering it before the discontentment descends.

All I need is another list.

For the lack of cheesy titles

I don't like farewells or good byes. They make me uncomfortable. But they still need to be perfect for me.

I'd rather people leave and then call from wherever as if they never really went away.

I've been dreading this moment for the past couple of months now. That one moment you realise how pretty soon everything constant around you will change. Yes, these three years have flown by but July 16,2006 doesn't really feel like yesterday either.

It has been an eventful three years to say the least :)

Everytime I cried over friends in school, Mumma would tell me of how true friends are always found in college. I rarely believed her. Of course now I think that she couldn't have been more right.

It hasn't been the easiest three years. I didn't make it any easier with the constant bickering and howling. I'd hate it when I was constantly told how everything in the world happens for a reason. I couldn't see a single reason.

Now I see a million !

I'm not sure I'll miss college that much. But I will miss the people. I will miss my van and how there was never a dull moment.

I know that things are going to change and possibly not always for the best. But right now I just want to think about all the fun and happy stuff that made these three years so memorable :)

DANCE FOR DEMOCRACY

I’m a 20 year old Indian citizen eligible to vote. But after 4 failed attempts to get a voter ID card, I’m beginning to wonder why we’re even called a democracy.

One of the first things my parents insisted on after I turned eighteen was to apply for this all essential government document. So this becomes attempt number one. I waited and waited for those verification lists to be released. But nothing happened. No list no name. I figured that it wasn’t that bad a situation. I was sure loads of people apply more than once.

So we come to attempt number two. Again form filled, again no name. By this time I had completely lost interest. My parents still had some hope.

What changed my mind was this campaign by some RWAs to help people get voter-id cards. I made my enquiries and made my way to Rockwood School. So this became attempt 3. This time I was confident that I would FINALLY get the card. But then again I trust the system way too much for my own good.

This brings me to attempt four. Furious and agitated, Mumma and I made our way to the Election office. It wasn’t difficult to find, half of Noida seemed headed in that direction!
There were 2 windows for submitting the forms and a lot of people. Obviously, as Indians we still don’t understand the concept of lines. So basically everybody was on top of each other trying to reach that elusive window. Pushing and shoving people in my way I finally reached the counter only to be greeted by a signboard that said” Submit form, no enquiry allowed” . There were so many people that none of the forms were being checked. I was handed my fourth receipt and told to wait at least a month before I even enquire.

The whole exercise seemed like such a farce. There are no codes or receipts numbers on the acknowledgement I’ve been handed out four times. Even if I want to, I can’t track down the status of my application. I have a feeling that somewhere in some dilapidated government office millions of forms are just rotting away.

Not the poverty nor the unemployment or terrorism, this feudal voter-id issuing system has been the biggest failure of our democracy. I want to vote, I’ve done everything in my power to be eligible to (except bribing someone) but I still can’t exercise my right.

We might be called the biggest democracy in the world, but I’d like to see how many people of this huge population actually had a stress free ride while obtaining their voter-id card.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Slumdog Millionaire

I've just got back from watching the movie and I knew I *had* to write this one before I fell asleep.

Q & A is one of my favorite books of all time. I still remember how all of us had fallen in love with it as 17 year olds. I couldn't wait for the movie to be made. Of course all the Oscar-Golden Globe buzz just made me even more excited.

I had my doubts when I heard snippets of the story but I promised myself to not think of the book while watching the movie. That obviously did not happen. I kept going back to pages and wondering why they changed so much.

Ok, first things first, it is a good movie. Brilliantly shot and edited. A.R Rahman most certainly deserved that Golden Globe and definitely has his name written on that Oscar statuette. The kids were a great cast as well.

I totally understand why so many people have liked the movie. I'll even understand if it actually does sweep all the Oscars. But as a great fan of the book I was left with a sense of loss and disappointment at the end.

The book is no longer called Q & A and everybody who picks up Slumdog Millionaire from a book shelf will end up reading a story completely different from the movie. It makes me sad that even though the sales of the book will pick up, no one will experience the same joy or amazement at what a marvelous piece of literature it really is.

Or maybe that will always be the problem with screen adaptations. The director cannot film every page written but has to make you feel the same emotions as that of the book. And this is where I think we need to appreciate Mira Nair ( for Namesake) and even Satyajit Ray ( who turned two books into a series of three movies).

There was just so much in that movie that wasn't needed. And I'm not one of those who have a problem with all that poverty being shown. The entire second half of the movie was original. It shouldn't be called an adapted screenplay, inspired is actually the right word.

If the same thing had been made in hindi I'm pretty sure it could have easily been labelled as a typical masala-potboiler. Ironically it gets made in English and sweeps the world of its feet.

The biggest problem I have of course is still the title. Funnily enough the book never even mentions the term.

Ghajini

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Ghajini

I've been waiting to see this one for quite some time and frankly speaking I feel slightly disappointed.

Maybe I should start with what I liked. I liked the music. I loved Asin. I think it was she who was the high point in the movie and not Aamir. I loved the whole Aamir-Asin romance, it was quite nice.

But there was just too much wrong with it.

For starters, the villain was awful. Beyond awful. Plus, he had the worst dialogues ever! Sample this : "Yeh short term memory loss patient mujhe mare ga, mujhe? " or "Dekh short term memory loss, delkh mujhe!".
He wasn't the least bit scary. What they needed was a villain who evoked fear. What we got was a two bit actor and some shady-sidey goons. Technically if the movie is named after the villain then he should at least have some screen presence. I think this was a major shortcoming of the movie.
And the violence. Too gory, too bloody and sickening. I think it is time we officially ban iron rods from hindi movies!

I don't think it was a brilliant performance by Aamir either. I mean all he did as the short term memory loss patient ( no pun intended) was growl, fight and look around.

The director doesn't give the audience time to even feel an ounce of sympathy for his character or the great loss he has suffered. We just shift from happy to violent in a split second. And thus, I didn't really feel a connect with the character at all.

And then there were just too many loopholes. I think the script writers just dug a hole for themselves when they proclaimed that the protagonist could only retain information for 15 minutes. Very conveniently Aamir would remember and not question stuff for long periods of time. And then just as conveniently suddenly look lost. I mean they can't expect the audience to be *that* stupid.

And we also have the Rajnikanth-science defying stunt scenes. Aamir survives a rod being pushed right through his belly, manages to kill the villain and even eventually have a happy and peaceful life. Now that's something.

Would I recommend it. Not really. It is not that great and definitely fell short of my expectations.

On Education

Half Yearly Examination
Class V
Subject : English

Name:__________ Section: _____________ Roll no. _____________

Q.1 Read the following passage and answer the given questions:
There are eight crows in the picture. Seven crows are flying. There are seven ducks in the picture. Five ducks are in the water.

Q.1a How many crows are there in the picture?
Ans______________________________________
________________________________________
_________________________________________

Q.1b How many ducks are in the water?
Ans_______________________________________
__________________________________________
___________________________________________

Q.2 Complete the sentences:

This is an elephant.
Its ears are _____.
Its eyes are _____.

This is a rat.
Its tail is _______.
Its eyes are______.

This is a rabbit.
Its tail is ________.
Its ears are______.

Q.3 Fill in the blanks-
R_d ,
C_pb_ard ,
O_ange

Q.4 True or false?
a. Butterflies do not fly.
b. The frog scares the birds away.
c. Pigeons and parrots are birds.
d. Frogs can crawl.

Q.5 Fill in the blank-

A Gardner _______ of the garden.
A barber _______ hair.
A caprpenter_____ furniture.
A teacher _____ us.
A doctor _____ his patients.

Q.6 Give the meaning of :
Long: ____

Sky: _____

Field: ____

People: _____

Colour: _____
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I volunteered for Teach India in July this year. I though it was a great idea and I could easily spare two hours every Saturday.

And so I started teaching Class V English at the Primary Government School, Chalera Village.
I remember my first day. It took me at least 40 minutes of driving through narrow lanes to finally find the school and a decent place to park.

The school is bigger than the other government schools in the area. There's a ground in the middle and a series of classrooms around it. There are no tables or desks. No fans or lights. Just a bare classroom with a dilapidated black board and some charts on the walls. The children sit on mats which are threadbare. They clean the class room themselves in the morning and I think even contribute to buy the Jhadu as well as the chalk. I don't have the courage to go look at the bathrooms.

And so I began my first class. I didn't really have an option but English because all the other subjects were taught in Hindi and frankly its been years since I've written full page in Hindi.

The children are all very sweet. More so because I refuse to use the cane their teacher promptly handed me when I started teaching. Slowly I discovered how far behind they were in English to any other child possibly in my school in class V. But then again, they don't really speak it outside the classroom. They treat it exactly like I used to treat Sanskrit in school. It is just something you have to get by. They're probably know as much English as some child in class I in a public school.

I am no excellent teacher myself. But I try. The problem is that they don't even understand what Grammar means. So I try different ways to make them understand simple rules. At the same time I've discovered how complicated a language English is!

And it all came down to this paper. But that turned out to be a bigger scam. I was told to tell them all the answers. And that's what I did. So now I know how they have passed all these years.

It is not really the teachers who are at fault. There is one teacher teaching class V six different subjects, that too at a ridiculously low salary.On top of that there are transfers and stupid government duties. How can you expect anyone to be that proficient? I can't expect anybody who'd like to either teach or study in those conditions.

Going there every Saturday is like entering a new world. A world that is completely alien to me. The place is no castle yet everybody is very happy. They don't complain or crib. Maybe because they know nothing better. Some of the children are genuinely very bright and so many of them really want to learn something. I just wonder what happens to them after this class.

And these kids are the future of our country.

This is it :)

They're done.



The papers have been over for a really long time now.

It has taken me more than a month to get over the laziness and get back to writing.

I have more exams in a month but I'm not really thinking about that for now :)

The happiness and relief have sort of faded away by now.

I don't exactly know what this post is supposed to say except that I'm back!

63 days to go

2nd November is 63 days away. * I started writing this post last week*

Exams that seemed millions of years away are finally year. I figured, since they're all that I've been thinking about, I might as well blog about them.

I don't remember the last set of November exams all that well. I wish I did. Maybe it would have taken some of the pressure of, knowing that I've been through it once.

I 've made my schedule. Nothing feels better than to tick a chapter in that little red book ( Sounds slightly Communist?).

My Dad keeps telling me to take it one day at a time. I prefer it that way as well but time really seems to be flying by. And every time I start talking of all those things I want to do after November he gives me this look and tells me to think of only the exams.

There's so much to do!

I didn't imagine it would be this tough. It is tough because there' s no constant evaluation. I have no idea how I'm doing or whether I'm really on the right track.

So this is what I've decided to do. Since I am really going to be at home for the next two months I am going to take out all my exam stress on the blog.

So this blog is going to witness all that I am going to go through as the exams get nearer *shudder*

Where I've been

I haven't touched my blog in three weeks.

There's been a million things I've wanted to write. But I never actually got down to writing them.

A LOT has happened in August.

I fell in love with the Olympics and ended up watching almost every event.

I went to Mussorie and travelled in a train after some 2 years.

I got up my result and have buried the shock somewhere deep inside after shedding copious amounts of customary tears.

I'm this close to start hating college.

I didn't meet a deadline for the first time ever. That advertising project never even got started.

Some friends have found their boys while other have broken up.

I am a grand richer after Rakhi.

I just bought myself a label-maker and I'm already addicted.

I've spent a lot of time in the basement grumbling about how tough this year is!

Half my sentences begin with " After November..."

I WANT

-Grandparents who are not dead.

-More sleep.

-Less classes/projects/assignments.

-Friends who don't crib.

-Friends who'll listen to me be the Crib Queen.

-The Van.

-A clear mind in the mornings.

-Best Friends whose phones are not unreachable.

-Lots and lots of chocolates.

-To shatter a glass vase into bits.

-To see Federer win again.

-To burn something.

-Attend a Birthday Party.

-A tight hug.

-To wail like a baby.

-To have nothing to do.

-To go see a movie.

-Smile.

PANICKING & SORTING

I've always had problems staying optimistic all the time. I do try to look at the positive side of most situations but its really not that easy.

I have periods where nothing according to me is right. I turn into a monster during those moments. I have no clue how my parents bear with all the tantrums and screaming sessions. The fact that they still let me stay with them is testimony to how patient they are :)

Over the years I've tried to find ways and means to try to make these mild panic attacks pass without causing too much emotional damage to people around me.

Last night I discovered yet another effective way!

It was a perfect day. The Lakshmi Nagar trip couldn't have gone better. I found the place, reached on time and the people were all really nice. For some strange reason I had one of my major panic attacks in the evening. There was absolutely no way I was going to start third year in such a foul mood. So I:

• Arranged all my books subject wise.

• Took out all my shoes/sandals and re-arranged them, categorising them into heels and flats.

• Took out everything from the dressing table and cleaned and threw away all the useless stuff, in the process discovering the obscene number of hair bands I possess.

• I found two old pairs of spectacles, both haven't been touched in years.

• I then decided to wash a couple of my suits. OK, it was one suit but for somebody whose always used a washing machine it was a lot.

• I cleaned out the pencil box, sharpened two new pencils and found a couple of pens I could use.

• I found the college bag and tried to fit in as much as I could ( I almost sound like a five year old whose going to school for the first time).

• I looked through my cupboard and decided what to wear.

• I then ironed the clothes.

By the time I finished it was quarter to one and the feeling had passed.

Hopefully, next time a lot less cleaning and sorting will do the job.

Mumma doesn't eat Chinese

So we're sitting at the dinner table when Mumma and I tell Papa about are lunch/parlour plan. He groaned about the high parlor expenses and then:

Papa: Please tell me you're not going to Subway for lunch?

Me: What's wrong with Subway?

Papa: You guys always go there.

Mumma: So?

Papa: Pick a new place, be a little adventurous! Why not Punjabi By Nature?

Me: You want me to pay ninety bucks for a roti.

Mumma: Why would we go without you?

Papa: KFC?

Me: *stares*

Mumma: *glares*

Papa: Fortune Cookie?

Me: Mumma doesn't eat Chinese.

Mumma: Why do you always say that?

At this exact moment I stared at my mother. She hates Chinese or at least that's what I've come to believe over the last couple of years. So I tried to double check. My last memory of us as a family eating Chinese definitely has Mumma complaining about the excessive smell of garlic. We've never gone out for Chinese since then ( discounting that brilliant meal in San Francisco).

Every single time anybody suggested Chinese I shot the idea down. "Mumma doesn't eat Chinese" was repeated countless times.

I haven't once considered that my Mum didn't really hate it as much as I thought/exaggerated.

I can't believe that for so many years she's never told me this. She's been watching me increase the degree of her hatred towards Chinese every single year. Not once did I sincerely ask her whether she'd go eat Chinese. I just assumed away and as a result denied myself some great meals.

But its all out in the open now. Mumma doesn't hate Chinese. So we're going to Lemon Twist tomorrow. YAY!

I am just glad that she finally admitted it.

Lessons from Strategic Management

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-Will Rogers

Two men were passing through a jungle. They saw a tiger at a distance. One of them immediately started running away. "No use", the other claimed,"We cannot outrun him. We are sure to be killed". The first person replied ,"I need to outrun you, not him".