Holding On.

Two months since graduation.

6 weeks since being back in Delhi.

And almost a month in Bhopal.

As always, it feels much longer ago than this.

After nine crazy months in Cambridge and HGSE I am back home. On most days it feels like the year never happened. Too much happened together in those nine months for it to ever be true. Flights were taken, papers were written, copious amounts of hours were spent on Stata, amazing stories heard and shared and lots of happiness felt.

The journey was very satisfying. I am thankful, grateful and have no regrets. It had to be one of the best decisions I ever made!  The most exciting thing to be on Campus was the constant doses of  inspiration. Which I do sorely miss. I hope I am able to hold on to the faith that things will change.

Today was a rough day. Watching a beautifully crafted education program crumble in the schools it was meant to help was heart breaking. It brought back so many questions that we discussed in classrooms, over glasses of beer and fries and in Gutman too. And yet, this is what we were trained to do. To battle with the problems of scale and not lose hope. To push the system every single day and hope that some day it moves. To have faith and yet be practical. To accept that we can't have it all and yet demand that one day all children will have an excellent education.   

"The sounds of the tea being made invite the peach blossoms to peep in through the window."

Uson, translated by Shaun McCabe and Iwasaki Satoko

For the tired soul.

"I have a nice thermos. I have a full thermos.  Won’t you share my thermos, too?  When skies are grey and you feel you are blue, tea sends the sun shining through.  I have a nice thermos. I have a full thermos.  May I pour some out for you?"

- P. G. Wodehouse, “The Truth about George”

Yaad hai, ek din meri meiz pe baithe baithe

cigarette ki dibiya par tumne

chote se ek paudhe ka ek

sketch banaya tha

aakar dekho, us par phool aaya hai.

- Gulzar

Day 3

I am back here again. Finally staying true to my standard resolution of writing more.

It was a happy day I am pleased to report. Lots of hugs exchanged, chai and parle-g passed around and some work done too.

Sitting in class hearing about everyone's amazing writing projects made me feel so lucky to be here. A small class does have a great vibe and energy.

And yes, alu methi and dal for dinner have just made this day even better.

I am not letting the cold get to me just yet.

Till tomorrow.

Fighting Home Sickness

Yes, this is my second post in two days. Yes, I have never written this frequently in a while. And yes, both posts deal with battling home sickness.

I woke up to an overcast Sunday, perfect moping weather. That pit in my stomach telling me this room is not home refused to go away. But I've been at it all day, making a list of things I could do to shake this feeling off. After all, a new semester starts tomorrow, an exciting class and all my friends back in town.

I also decided to put down my list on the blog. Just in case.

a. CLEAN: I scrubbed and scrubbed the bathroom. Man, it does take my mind of things. And the smell of a clean bathroom does make me happy.

b. TEXT: I messaged all the loved ones, had long conversations and laughed about silly things. Till it was time for those halfway across the world to go to sleep.

c. COOK: I went back to Manjula Aunty's veggie pasta, relived my beautiful new year's eve :) Smiled, ate and felt warm inside.

d. SHOP: Trekked all the way to the Indian store and went crazy. I don't think the sight of methi and bhindi have made me so happy before. An atrocious bill later, I feel like I am back home.

e. WRITE: And so here I am, at the end of my day. Happy and relieved to have survived it without the tap in my eyes opening. It feels like a good laid back Sunday.

Bring it on J-Term, I be ready.

To 2015.

I am toying with the title of this post. Maybe it should be titled "to finding home". This post like most posts written near the first on most blogs is an ode the year that has been. It is also about the two most amazing weeks in California that I am avoiding moping over. 

I am blessed to have had an amazing year. I am also very thankful/grateful/ full of many similar feelings, to the people around me, family and friends, and friends who've become family. It is the year that will be remembered most for finding home in different places, more aptly put, different people. Home is #218 with my hot adrak chai and comfy chair. Home was also Connecticut and school memories refreshed after years. Home for the last two weeks was both Sunnyvale and Walnut Creek, sunny and full of laughter and love.  But then there's home far far away, back in Noida. So far away that sometime just talking to the parents still brings tears to my eyes. Home was also the classroom, the sight of which, even on skype, brought back a strong urge to just run back. 

I start 2015, with a lot of love and hope. And happiness. Here's to the many people who make me feel like home. This year would have been incomplete without you. 

Two months and beyond

The craziness of Grad School is all around. As I sit in Cabot staring at that System Dynamics assignment, I can't believe how far away from home I am and yet in some ways this is already home too.

Life has fallen into that routine that I crave. Yet every week is a different crazy. Each week seems like an insurmountable mountain. I know for sure that the assignments will get done, angst and despair will return at the thought of the next one, weekend plans will be made, weather shall be cursed, free food shall be found and life will go back to normal again. Though no part of this life seems normal to me.

I am beginning to realise this is turning into quite the rant. Must go back to that chapter on delays.

Happy Halloween! 

Pretty much what I am surviving on

“Would you care for a cup of tea?” I said.

“Tea?”

She spoke as if she had never heard of the stuff.

“Nothing like a cup after a journey,” I said.  “Buck you up.  Put a bit of zip into you.  What I mean is, restores you, and so on, don’t you know”.

—Bertie Wooster in The Aunt and the Sluggard, by P. G. Wodehouse

Boston calling.

Every time I tell myself that I'll write regularly. Every time I look back at the last post and curse myself.

This one was supposed to be written on August 18, just before I left for videsh.

But now I am here, on my first rainy evening, in a nice cosy room, with an Ikea bed waiting to be assembled and I've finally pushed myself to type.

One week away from home has been a strange to say the least, mornings the most difficult. Little things bring back memories, the smell of zeera in the kitchen or a piece of colourful woollen textile in my museum class. Strange doesn't even begin to describe it but I am thankful for many things.

A beautiful city. Some very friendly people. A pretty room. A stuffed fridge. The anticipation of many museums. The colour of the leaves changing right outside my window. Being this close to a swimming pool after years. Cooking on my own and not killing Suvidhi with my culinary skills. Being by myself and learning to enjoy it :)

The year ahead I've been told will be crazy. I am just preparing for the ride!

First Time. Whole Class Miss.

I want to see them. All of them. Go back in time. The winter sun. Chai on the table and bright shiny faces around.

The world seemed so much simpler with them. Happy and content.

If only. 

Ab Hum Chale, Yahan Se Nikle.

I've been mulling over this post for a while.

"Ek post toh banta hai", Siddharth said.

Watching Hawa Hawai made me think of my little ones. The crazy days, the nerve wrecking days, the I-can't-believe-I-am-doing-this days, the hot days, the extremely hot days, the normal days, no wait, I don't think we had any of those.

I remember thinking I'd love to have a job where I couldn't wait to get out of bed. Almost. Each day had something new to offer, no two days ever the same, even if it was just a new irritating beat that they had decided to master on the tables of class.

I wanted this to be a What-I've-Learnt-in-the-2-years post. Maybe I'll save that for a later day. Maybe not.

I am thinking of Jo the mouse except I am storing my memories not dreams in little balls and storing them somewhere in my head. Storing them for days that I will not be around to see them hit teenage or when they do reach their dreams.

The world is a strange place but the little ones kept me sane through it all. I hope someday they realise that.

Being Religious. Part 2

M: Went to the Mandir today?

P: Umm.

M: Tikka mat lagwaya karo. It looks funny.

New beginnings.

H: Toh now that you have holidays, what do you do all day?

G: I have lots of work ya.

H: Like what?

G: Applications, unit plans and more.

H: Hmm. So where all are you applying? MBA?

G: No. It's called International Education Policy.

H: Hmm. So what are your plans? Are you coming back to India?

G: I don't know ya. Haven't decided.

H: No like what are your ten year plans?

G: No clue.

And there goes another one.

I am taking a break from all this conversation reporting to end the year on this blog. It's been one hell of a year with SO much happening. A year that's already had a half year review in June :)

I am lucky enough to be making my second trip to the mountains in three months. Can't wait to breathe in that air and soak in the sun (hopefully there will be some sun at least).

I'll always remember you 2013.  For all that you put me through. 

The laughter. The rain. The kids. Thandi. Old Monk. Coke. 4S. Tears. Screaming. Goa. Apps. Emails. Museum. Rushdie. Haroun. Fogg and Aouda. Love. Warmth. Emptiness. Salzburg. Budapest. Andretta. The driving. The back aches. The naps. Sleepless nights. doodle. Decimals. Fractions. Writing. Hemant Da. Rafi. Kishore. Faiz. Books. Some more. The sun.

To all this and more.

Happy New Year!

Let's see what you have to offer 2014.
 

Akeli Ladki

N: Hum Shama ko nahi bhej sakte. 

G: Kyu?

N: Akele kaise bheje?

G:  Par main saath jaungi.

N: Par woh ladki  hai

_____________________________________________________________________________

X: Heena ko nahi bhej sakte.

T: Kyu?

X: Akele ladki hai woh

_____________________________________________________________________________

R: Jab tak iss ka pati zinda tha hum iss ko poochte bhi nahi they.  Khush ho ya dukhi.  Par ab woh
nahi hai toh hume hi sochna padta hai.

_____________________________________________________________________________

V: Utho jao ab.  Darwaza band karwaiye.  Kitni baari bola hai school ke baad jaldi nikla karo.  Bas aap logo ka hi kaam nahi khatam hota.  Subah aa kar kiya karo kaam.

_____________________________________________________________________________

V: Madam aap toh jante ho.  Aise school mein.  Akele.  Safe nahi hai.  Kyu nahi samajhte hai.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Being religious?

G: That diya looks nice.

M: We could light it everyday.

G: Sure, it looks pretty only.

______________________________________________________________

M: Everyday you must pray in front of it in the morning.  Fold your hands and say a silent prayer.

G: Huh?  No. You know I can't do such things.

M: We have done none of this.  But it has all happened.  We never wanted the diya or the idol but they've both sort of come together.

G: Eh?

M: Fine.  I'll remove it if you don't want to pray.

G: No no.  Fine.  I'll do it.
 

Compartments

M: She looks like a terrorist.

G: Just because she's wearing a head scarf?

M: No.  It's the expression on her face.

___________________________________________________________________________________

G:  Which of the two do you think is the mother of that kid?

M: That one.

G:  How are you so sure?

M: I don't think she's married.  She looks very satisfied with life.

___________________________________________________________________________________

G:  Not once did they say thank you for the shoes. 

T:  These kids. Uff. 

G:  I know.  I would think with their background, the least they can be is thankful.

H: Aapke naam ke baad kya aata hai?

G:  Huh?

H: Jaise mera name Humera hai.  Uss ke baad Syed aata hai.  Humera Syed.

G: Hmm.  Kuch nahi aata.  Bas Ghazal.  Acha hai na?

H:  Haan.

Perspective we say.

V:  Didi, basically Kashmir is confused.

S: Ek vote karane mein kya hi problem ho sakti hai.